By Sarah Parmet
11:28- I keep seeing Chinese characters flash before my eyes when I try to sleep but that’s totally normal....right?
11:30- Okay, that’s definitely not normal. Maybe I should listen to some ASMR.
12:03- Good news is I no longer see Chinese characters flashing before my eyes. Goodnight...
12:20- This is taking too long.
12:30- Why am I still awake? My stomach feels all funny! Why does it feel that way? Am I ok?
Was it lunch? Was it dinner? Was I poisoned? Do I need to throw up like I did before the math
final?
12:31- *Unpleasant flashbacks regarding the math final*
12:32- Oh wait. It’s just my anxiety-related gastrointestinal issues.
12:34- I remember that my Chinese teacher told me if I want a 5, I need to sleep early.
12:36- I start crying out of frustration because I really want that 5.
12:40- Rereading the last four chapters of “Kpop Confidential” seems like a good idea (don’t
knock it till you try it).
1:10- Ow my scoliosis *proceeds to crack back in a contortion-esque move*.
1:12- I can’t fall asleep. Let’s look up how to fall asleep! Blue light? What blue light?
1:20- Ow my hips *attempts the middle splits*.
1:24- I scroll through Instagram and look at college acceptances that pop up in my feed.
Columbia? Damn, girl!
1:26- OF ALL NIGHTS WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS ONE.
1:30- I’m feeling lonely and scared. I guess that means I should read an American Girl self help
book that totally isn’t meant for middle schoolers!
1:52- I need to pee.
1:57- I’m still feeling lonely and scared so I’ll read my second American Girl self help book (I’m
needy, ok?).
2:16- I no longer feel lonely and scared. Goodnight. I am now officially asleep.
2:17- I’m asleep I’m asleep I’m asleep I’m asleep
2:18- I cry a little more when I realize I’m not actually asleep.
2:32- I need to pee again.
2:38 am- I proceed to lead myself in a full ballet workout that would make my ex-teacher proud (or not. I think my left foot was sickled). I also did 5 pushups. Correction. Tried to do 5 pushups. My arms collapsed on the fourth.
2:47- My throat feels rather parched (at this point, I was thinking in British). I walk outside to
pour myself a glass of water. I drink said water, then start texting my brother’s ex-girlfriend
(don’t ask).
2:52- This would make a lowkey fire piece for the Milking Cat! (That’s when I started writing
this).
3:04- I’m NEVER going to fall asleep. I am broken. I am flawed. I need to be saved. Woe is
me...*wails in self deprecating teenager*.
6:01- Shit.