By Ella Bilu
Politics:
Joe Biden Falls Down Stairs Again
In Shocking Twist, Hunter Biden Seen Making Out with Ivanka Trump
George Santos Stars As Himself in New Netflix Docuseries on His Rise in Congress
George Santos Replaces RuPaul on RuPaul’s Drag Race
Vivek Ramaswamy Suddenly Debuts a Southern Accent. Experts Predict It’s An Attempt to Attract More Country Music Fans
Pop Culture:
Kim Kardashian Launches Eighth Business, ‘Kimi,’ an Artificial Intelligence ChatBot That Tells You What Kim Would Do
James Charles Hits on Travis Kelce in Front of Taylor Swift, Sparking Controversy For ‘Shits and Giggles’
Justin Trudeau Hosts SNL for the First Time to Dress Up as Emmanuel Macron as a Macaron
For the Seventh Time, Influencers Say Heartfelt Goodbyes to Fans in Fear TikTok Will Be Shut Down
Joshua Crashes Olivia Rodrigo Concert To Spread the Message of Christ
News:
Idaho Ceases to Exist after Failure to Produce Potatoes
The United States Will Be Underwater by the Year 2100, Dr. Fauci Says.
Generation Alpha Fights Generation Z Over Which Generation Has Better Slang
Florida Man:
Florida Man and Governor Ron DeSantis Become Ambassadors for Louboutin Heels After Being Exposed for Wearing Extensions in Already Elevated Cowboy Boots
Florida Man Sinks Yacht in Miami Bay After Trying to Prove How Much Money He Has
New Florida Man Lionel Messi Out For the Season After Trying Cheese Whiz
Sports:
Tom Brady Comes Back from Retirement Under Alias Peyton Manning
Joe Biden Plays Donald Trump in Tennis, Results in Draw After Trump Passes Out, and Joe Biden Craved Ice Cream
LeBron James Buys Lakers, Announces He Will Play Forever
Due to Global Warming, Hockey is Canceled
Op-Ed:
Opinion: I am a Democrat Voting For Donald Trump
Opinion: I am a Republic Voting For Joe
Opinion: Elon Musk Made X Great While Mark Zuckerberg Hates Free Speech
Opinion: We Should Spend More Time on Our Phones
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