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24 Headline Predictions for 2024

By Ella Bilu


Joe Biden Falls Down Stairs Again 

In Shocking Twist, Hunter Biden Seen Making Out with Ivanka Trump

George Santos Stars As Himself in New Netflix Docuseries on His Rise in Congress

George Santos Replaces RuPaul on RuPaul’s Drag Race

Vivek Ramaswamy Suddenly Debuts a Southern Accent. Experts Predict It’s An Attempt to Attract More Country Music Fans 

Pop Culture: 

Kim Kardashian Launches Eighth Business, ‘Kimi,’ an Artificial Intelligence ChatBot That Tells You What Kim Would Do

James Charles Hits on Travis Kelce in Front of Taylor Swift, Sparking Controversy For ‘Shits and Giggles’

Justin Trudeau Hosts SNL for the First Time to Dress Up as Emmanuel Macron as a Macaron

For the Seventh Time, Influencers Say Heartfelt Goodbyes to Fans in Fear TikTok Will Be Shut Down

Joshua Crashes Olivia Rodrigo Concert To Spread the Message of Christ


Idaho Ceases to Exist after Failure to Produce Potatoes

The United States Will Be Underwater by the Year 2100, Dr. Fauci Says.

Generation Alpha Fights Generation Z Over Which Generation Has Better Slang

Florida Man: 

Florida Man and Governor Ron DeSantis Become Ambassadors for Louboutin Heels After Being Exposed for Wearing Extensions in Already Elevated Cowboy Boots

Florida Man Sinks Yacht in Miami Bay After Trying to Prove How Much Money He Has 

New Florida Man Lionel Messi Out For the Season After Trying Cheese Whiz


Tom Brady Comes Back from Retirement Under Alias Peyton Manning 

Joe Biden Plays Donald Trump in Tennis, Results in Draw After Trump Passes Out, and Joe Biden Craved Ice Cream 

LeBron James Buys Lakers, Announces He Will Play Forever 

Due to Global Warming, Hockey is Canceled


Opinion: I am a Democrat Voting For Donald Trump 

Opinion: I am a Republic Voting For Joe 

Opinion: Elon Musk Made X Great While Mark Zuckerberg Hates Free Speech 

Opinion: We Should Spend More Time on Our Phones


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