By Nataly Delcid
Community Service: Qanon Outreach/Communications Head
Responsible for president Trump’s win in the 2020 election; worked in collaboration with Soviet pigeons to make it happen; Eat chips on the couch for ~8 hours/day while scrolling on 4Chan.
Leadership: Founder of the Tofu Slicing Club
Slice tofu with sister ~2x/week because poultry makes me uneasy; lead 2.5 members in their tofu endeavors.
Community: Service: Prostitution Contribute to local community by ********************* Internship: Fortnite Discord Mod
Responsible for 20+ server users–get called really mean names sometimes.
Walked dog sometimes when mom was too busy but now the dog is dead.
Leadership: Sigma Male
Own 20+ Fortnite skins; never look at women because they waste time; pretend I’m good at sports when I’m not; watched 100+ hours of Andrew Tate
Community: Member of School’s National Honor Society
I’m in a club that means absolutely nothing.
Entrepreneurship: Owner of Small Energy Drink Establishment
Sell red bulls to kids with ADHD whose parents don’t let them have caffeine; $100 in weekly profits and described as “cool” by highlighter boys.
Level 50 Player on Fruit Ninja 2
Top 1% of NBA Young Boy Listeners on Spotify
Nobel Peace Prize for Research in the Absence of Facial Hair in Adolescent Boys