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Celebrating Like a Minor

By Amelia Ell You're turning 18 tomorrow—whoever said you should celebrate it in style? You have the rest of your adult and senior life to do things in style. This Birthday Eve, you're going to spend it like the dork you've been for 17 years and 364 days of your life. Here are some ideas to kick off your celebration:

  • Watch PG films over some virgin cocktails - Don’t we all live on that thrill of insignificant rebellion watching 18+ movies and going to activities made for old people? Savor it now because soon you realize with an acute sense of existential dread that those things, really, are just made for you.

  • Begin writing your last will and testament - It’s as if society’s favorite thing to do to new adults is make them ponder their mortality. And apparently, that delightful pass time doesn’t go away.

  • Enjoy the last moments of deluding yourself that you could still become a child prodigy  - In what? You've got about 24 hours to figure that out; I believe in you.

  • Ask your parents for money - Dependency is embarrassing. After today.

  • Be a total leech - Be the lucky one who plays the games and eats the food, not the one who organizes them and pays for it.

  •  Sit down and stand up again - Apparently, that ability goes quickly.

  • Skip class illegally - We’re all doing it anyway, but it’s no fun when it’s technically allowed.

  • Sit in a rocking chair ironically - Soon, the wood will become a part of you, and then there's no going back. That one really sneaks up on you.

  • Make less than the legal minimum wage - I'm gonna miss that one for sure.


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