By Noah Stern:
In a statement delivered this week, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos triumphantly announced that, for the first time in 30 years, the United States is once again testing higher than every other nation in the world. DeVos cited her source:The World Health Organization. When asked by a reporter: “Don’t you think these numbers are actually from coronavirus tests?” DeVos replied “No, I think they were from English and math.”
She went on to say: “We are also happy to announce that the US is also adding about 600 new desks per day!” When the same reporter questioned if she meant to say ‘deaths,’ DeVos responded, “I’m not sure, you’ll have to ask the teachers.”
Dr. Anthony Fauci could not be reached for comment, as he was found slowly rocking back and forth in a sharp corner outside the briefing room.