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Music Review: New Electro-Bagpipe Album

By Brooks Hathaway

Scotland’s favorite son, Angus McGroovePatrol, has done it again. A Scottish Ode to Joaquin Phoenix, oh how the Yemenites scream is a triumph of an album and once again demonstrates McGroovePatrol’s mastery of the Electro-Bagpipe genre. Many in the Pacific Northwest have labeled it “the audio equivalent of Shia Labeouf: extremely confusing and more appealing with facial hair.” However, people in the deep South and Canada have described it as “oddly refreshing.” The Prime Minister of Bhutan, Lotay Tshering, has said that the album’s breakout hit, “Italian deserves slurs, techno techno fun time” inspired him to reach out to Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler, and they are now beginning the process of adopting a child together.

Songs such as “Feeble little boy, where is my hat” and “Olaf the snowman has slightly racist tendencies” are said to be derived from ancient Hasmonean texts. McGroovePatrol said of the song “Jew Igloo” that, “it truly was a blessing getting to work with Greta Thunberg on the Sitar solo and I feel as if Adam Schiff brought a surprisingly bipartisan energy to the verse about corn syrup”. It is truly incredible that he was able to bring together stunningly different characters from Usain Bolt’s estranged uncle to the man who paved Abbey Road. I believed that this album falls into a category of its own and should’ve been the easy winner of Album of the Year at this year’s Grammys.

The music video for the organ dominated track, “Sam, you narced on grandma” features shockingly realistic visuals of Macauley Culkin waterboarding Encyclopedia Brown. Culkin later remarked that “Sandra Bullock did a remarkably good job playing a male teenage sleuth”. I think this album has its flaws, especially during the three songs where nothing can be heard except for a series of rants about the movie Captain Phillips by the late Robert Mugabe. In that section along with the slightly jarring electro trap remix of the Teletubbies theme song, there is something left to be desired.

Is there one unifying message of this album? No, most definitely not. However, looking at how it has single handedly started the massive bushfires in Australia and motivated former national security advisor Michael Bolton to write a new damning book on his time in the Trump white house, I would say this album has certainly had a major impact on the course of history and it will surely leave a lasting legacy. I am amazed that this album didn’t receive a single nomination at the Grammys and horrified at what that could mean for the future of the earth.


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