By Sahasra Nistala
How would you describe yourself?
Loved
Ignored for the most part
Plain of countenance and uncouth in manner
…symbolic
What is your favorite type of music?
Vintage record-type stuff
Who has time to listen to music when there’s so much drama going on?
The rousing chords of the pianoforte
Birdsong and the burbling of playful brooks
What is your greatest strength?
My well-timed bursts of emotional maturity
My cuteness
I’m well-read
I can talk to animals!
How do you spend an average day?
Acing all my tests at school, then coming home and finishing my novel
Wondering where the heck everybody went
Eliciting derision from literally everybody I meet
Frolicking in the woods
What’s your biggest problem?
I can’t spell basic words
Everyone expects me to grow up a fool
Again, I’m plain of countenance and uncouth in manner
I’m perfect. It’s society that has problems
What’s your family’s biggest problem?
My sibling is angsty, misunderstood, and possibly trapped in a weird coming-of-age-arc. Not me, though.
There seems to be something big, but no one ever tells me anything.
Rougeish, untrustworthy men of status and wealth
We’re social outcasts, and it’s all because of me.
What’s going to happen when you grow up?
I’ll succeed at whatever I decide to do
I’ll probably have a trust fund, unless my parents manage to mess that up too
Everyone will turn their noses up at me
I will shed my childhood innocence and conform to social standards
Results:
Mostly A’s: You’re Phoebe Caulfield of Catcher in the Rye! You’re smart, both academically and emotionally, and generally admired. You spend most of your time thinking about something other than ducks, making you a far better choice for narrator than Holden. But we digress.
Mostly B’s: You’re Pammy Buchanan, better known as Tom and Daisy’s toddler who shows up, like, once in The Great Gatsby. People ignore you for the most part, and you never seem to be kept in the loop. Don’t let that discourage you, though—you’re smarter than you let on.
Mostly C’s: You’re Mary Bennet of Pride and Prejudice! You’re book-smart, but you seriously need to work on those social skills. And maybe get some pianoforte lessons. It’ll go a long way, trust me.
Mostly D’s: You’re Pearl Prynne of The Scarlet Letter! Though society has it out for you, you don’t let that get in the way of your passions. Like playing in the dirt with wild animals. We’ll leave you to it.
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