The Endeavours of Sir Jared the All-Around Pretty Good

By William Roop:

Sir Jared the All-Around Pretty Good, protector of Olvenwad, galloped along the

winding dirt path leading to the enemy encampment. He had been sent on a quest of epic

proportions by King Seven the Eighth, to kill the mighty warriors known as the Knights

Without An Established Name. Sir Jared had served under the king for about three hours,

and it was rumoured that he had the strength of whatever has decent strength, and the

intelligence of a Harvard dropout. He halted, reigning in his horse Dragoneater (his name

was from his tendency to eat dragons). Jared slowly got off the mount, being as quiet as

possible. However, he was wearing a suit made of airhorns so, as he stepped onto the

ground, a shriek loud enough to wake the deaf issued from his armour.

Immediately, he was surrounded by the Knights Without An Established Name. They

attacked him, and he began to slay them with efficiency matched only by people better than

him. He was hoping that perhaps Dragoneater would decide to help, and join the fray.

However, Dragoneater had galloped away to a safe distance, where he could be seen trying

to pretend he didn’t know Jared, in case Jared died, and the Knights came after him for his

association.

Eventually, he was overpowered when the knights called upon their mighty god

William Roop to write that Sir Jared was overpowered by the knights. William relented and

allowed them to take him away. As they walked through the camp, Sir Jared was trying to

think of a way out, and it didn’t help that his horse was following at a distance, and not

making eye contact. Eventually he asked the Knights,

“If I can best your leader in combat, will you release me?” At this the Knights

chuckled among themselves in a very foreboding manner, and agreed. They pushed him

into a huge tent, and sitting on a gold-plated throne was the largest, most ferocious man that

Jared had ever seen. He was approximately 7 feet tall, with a huge, black beard. He carried

a hefty battle axe with ancient markings engraved into it in one hand, and in his other was a

chicken leg, but that’s not important. He got up, stretched, and dashed at Jared with the

speed of a lame peregrine falcon. Something that I have yet to mention is that there was a

huge picture of a dragon on the leader’s chest plate, and at that exact moment, Dragoneater

peeked his head into the tent to see if he needed to run. And, unfortunately for the poor

rebel giant leader, Dragoneater saw it.

Almost at once, he leapt in, and in a few moments, had entirely devoured the leader

of the knights. Jared, who had just fainted from shock, was lifted, charred and smoking,

onto Dragoneater by the shaking warriors, and carried home. Jared was praised for his

bravery, and for disbanding The Knights Without An Established Name. Dragoneater only

got food, but he was still happy. After that, the duo had many daring adventures, and

became world famous, with “world famous” being an bit of an overstatement, with North

America, South America, Asia, Antarctica, Australia, Europe, and Africa being a few of the

places that have never heard of them. Almost all of his endeavours are lost to time, but if

they ever become unlost, I’ll make sure to write the down.