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Dan Soslowsky & Benji Elkins

Dan Soslowsky & Benji Elkins

By Spencer Armon: Earlier this week, Benji Elkins, CEO of the Milking Cat, announced that the popular teen comedy website would try its hand at creating an OnlyFans. With this move, Elkins hoped to expand the reader base of the magazine but the plan seems not to have gone as expected given the controversial reviews, some of which are featured below: “Honestly, pretty disgusted by the naked pictures of the cat from their logo. - Benji E., 5/5 Stars

By Benji Elkins: While watching his two friends play chess, local man Tim Ruffle thought to himself that he would’ve moved the Queen from C5 to E3, closer to the center of the board, instead of moving it to B4 like his buddy Ralph did.

Dan Soslowsky & Benji Elkins

Dan Soslowsky & Benji Elkins

By Benji Elkins: This past Tuesday, we asked three men who identify as “six-feet-tall” about how tall six feet actually is.

By Benji Elkins: *Name of the informant and the informant's personal information have been changed or hidden for privacy reasons.* By Hannah Timbel: I was first contacted by Melissa Levine* through a private email. Benji, Dan, and Noah, the editors, they just kept spamming the group chat, saying stuff like, “We just made a ton of money off the site!” When I let Editor-in-Chief Benji Elkins know I wouldn't be able to finish my article because of the slow and painful death of my father, he simply responded, “Just bring your computer to the funeral lmao.” When Benji found out that I followed the orders he himself gave me, he reportedly laughed and said “Damn.

By Benji Elkins: When President Trump said he was considering banning Tik Tok, I cheered.

Benji Elkins, Asher Hancock & Isaac Berman