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86 items found for "benji-elkins"
- PIECE OF GUM IN PARKING LOT JUST WAITING TO BE STEPPED ON
By Benji Elkins: Spat out only a few days ago by tank-top wearing and gum chewing teenage delinquent
- SOUTH DAKOTA DECIDES TO SECEDE FROM UNION: NORTH DAKOTA DOESN’T F*CKING KNOW WHAT TO DO
By Benji Elkins: In a surprising turn of events, South Dakota has decided to secede from the United States
- Hurting Yourself in Different Area Found To Be Most Effective Form of Pain Relief
By Benji Elkins: This Thursday, renowned Milking Cat Doctor Mark Pruvner conclusively discovered the
- CHILD DISTRAUGHT TO LEARN FOOD NOT ACTUALLY PREPARED BY RAT AS SUGGESTED BY PIXAR
By Benji Elkins: This evening, five-year-old girl, Clarice Winter, was distraught when she learned that
- We asked 3 “6ft men” what 6 feet looks like and got three different answers
By Benji Elkins: This past Tuesday, we asked three men who identify as “six-feet-tall” about how tall
- MAN BUTCHERS RETELLING OF STAND UP BIT IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS
By Benji Elkins: Last Tuesday, local man Harper Sherman absolutely butchered the retelling of a popular
- WHITE AUTHOR STRUGGLES TO FIND CHARACTER NAME THAT IS DIVERSE BUT NOT RACIST
By Benji Elkins: As of this moment, author Timothy Bennett is struggling to come up with a name for a
- UNQUALIFIED: THIRD PARTY CANDIDATE HAS NO SEX ABUSE CLAIMS AGAINST HIM
By Benji Elkins: As expected, the Libertarian party has once again completely made a fool of themselves
- Preboarding Ritual
By Benji Elkins: there is snow on the tarmac yet the rain smooths it out I watch silently out the window
- OPINION: Yes, Tik Tok Should Be Banned & No, It’s Not Because Everyone On It Is Hotter Than Me
By Benji Elkins: When President Trump said he was considering banning Tik Tok, I cheered.
- PANDEMONIUM: PARENTS DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY FAMILY FRIENDS GAVE TO THEIR CHILD
By Benji Elkins: Only this past week, local boy Gabe McRay celebrated his eighth birthday.
- HIGH SCHOOL COVER BAND DECIDES TO COVER OTHER HIGH SCHOOL COVER BANDS
By Benji Elkins: High school cover band, Gnarls, decided to change things up and stop covering their
