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Pen Pals

By Ariana White:

Pen Pals

Dear Lucas,

Hiiii. Sorry that it took so long for me to respond. My mom got mad at me for putting her makeup on our dog Lucy so she took my letter-writing time away. I got a 56% on my last math quiz. I really like Addition but Subtraction is hard. Do you remember 1st-grade math and can you please help me? Mommy and Daddy still fight a lot but I think it’s because of Daddy’s new friend Sheila. Sheila told me that she’s gonna be my new Mommy soon but if that’s true why does Daddy sneak her out the door in the kitchen? I’m having a good time though. How about you? Is your cellmate still threatening you with a sharpened toothbrush? What’d you call it? A skank?



Dear Tracy,

I’m doing well! No to both of those questions; my cellmate is no longer threatening me because he was put in solitary, and it’s called a shank, not a skank (which is what it sounds like your dad’s new friend is). I have a new cellmate now and he seems okay but he makes alcohol in the toilet and keeps it under our bed. And I sleep on the bottom bunk. I don’t remember 1st grade,much less the math portion, but I used math every day in my previous vocation (grams weren’t gonna count themselves) so I’m sure I could help you out. How are your siblings? Last thing I heard they kept hissing at the babysitter? I’d love to hear more about that.


Lucas C.

Nikers Correctional Center

Cell number: 103

Dear Lucas,

A shank! Yes! I have been trying to remember since the last time I wrote to you. My twin siblings, Brittany and Xavier, are fine but we have gone through 23 babysitters in one month. That amount of new young women coming to our house each day surely causes suspicion in our small cul de sac community. Update on New Mommy Sheila: I haven’t seen her in a while so I think maybe Old Mommy killed her. Daddy now drinks three glasses of spicy water at dinner instead of one... I’m still struggling a little with subtraction but New Mommy Sheila gave me a tip right before she disappeared and it’s been helping a lot. I’m happy you got a new cellmate. The last one sounded scary and even though your new one makes toilet juice, I’m sure you guys will come up with a happy compromise.




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