By Staff Writers:
FADE IN:
INT. THE FARAH’S LIVING ROOM
SUPERIMPOSE TITLE:
BOP IT:
NOT A ROM COM
SYDNEY FARAH sits on a red leather couch clutching her hair with one hand and holding her phone to her ear with the other. Her extreme frustration and mild fear are plainly visible on her face. Her husband--JOHN FARAH--sits next to her, writhing in pain. The phone finally rings through and she is greeted by an AUTOMATED VOICE MESSAGING SYSTEM.
AUTOMATED VOICE MESSAGING SYSTEM
Hi, thank you for calling The Johns Hopkins Hospital. Please hang up and dial 9-1-1 if you are calling about an emergency, if you are calling to schedule an appointment please press-
SYDNEY
Oh for god sakes, put me on the phone with a person, I don’t have the time to talk to a fucking machine right now.
Sydney presses one, slams her phone onto the table and looks at John disappointedly. The phone rings through to another automated voice messaging system.
AUTOMATED VOICE MESSAGING SYSTEM
Hello please say your name and number and what you are calling about.
Leaving the phone on the table, Sydney looks at John with narrowed eyes. She responds to the message.
SYDNEY
Hi My name is Sydney Farah and I’m calling because--
BEGIN FLASHBACK:
INT./EXT. THE FARAH’S CAR
John is driving, and Sydney is in the passenger’s seat. She is looking out the window, thinking to herself, and twisting her hair in between fingers. It is clear that John and Sydney are unhappy together.
SYDNEY (V.O)
John and I were in a rut. I mean a serious rut. We used to be so in love. I mean we used to agree on everything. I’d say let’s get Mexican food tonight and he’d say “ok.” I’d say let’s get Chinese food tonight, he’d say “ok.” I’d say let’s get barbeque food, and he’d say “ok.” Recently, we haven’t been able to agree on anything. I say let’s get Mexican food, he says “too ethnic” I say let’s get Chinese food, he says “too ethnic”, I say let's get barbeque food, and guess what he says? (beat) “Too ethnic”.
The car stops at a stop sign, temporarily interrupting Sydney’s internal monologue.
JOHN
Honey, where do I turn?
SYDNEY
Left.
John hits the side of the car with his hand in mock anger. He looks at Sydney and his tone changes. He begins to speak to her in a very argumentative way.
JOHN
The sign says museum to the left.
SYDNEY
That’s what I said.
JOHN
No (beat) no! I heard you. You clearly said right.
Sydney looks back out the window and her internal monologue begins again.
SYDNEY (V.O)
Ya see? This is exactly what I mean. We are in our early forties. Fine! Our mid forties, but we don’t look it. We’ve been together since highschool, something like this was bound to happen eventually. But I wasn’t going to let it be the end of (beat) well, ya know (beat) us.
John pulls into the parking lot. They get out of the car and walk into the outdoor sculpture garden of a modern art museum. As they pass through the gates, Sydney’s internal monologue starts up again.
SYDNEY (V.O CONT.)
I wanted to do something to spice up our relationship.
MONTAGE
John and Sydney walk through the sculpture garden.
BACK TO SCENE
INT. THE GIFT SHOP
The montage ends with John and Sydney walking into the museum’s gift shop.
JOHN
I don’t think I’ve ever said these words before, but “that was marvelous.”
SYDNEY
I think you used to call me marvelous.
JOHN
Back in high school, maybe. Those creative writing classes I took turned me into a real romantic.
SYDNEY
I always said you were a regular Frank Sinatra.
JOHN
I hate Italians.
Sydney bends over and grabs a thick book with pictures of all of the metal sculptures in it from the gift shop’s bookshelf.
SYDNEY
Let’s get this one.
JOHN
Sure, let’s get it. Our coffee table needs some pretentious crap lying on it.
SYDNEY
I actually have something else in mind.
INT./EXT. THE FARAH’S CAR
The Farahs are on their way back home from the museum. Their new, thick coffee table book rests on the dashboard. Sydney no longer looks out the window. We can see that their relationship has the potential to heal.
JOHN
So what was it?
SYDNEY
What was what?
JOHN
Back at the giftshop, you said you had something else in mind. For the book, that is.
SYDNEY
Oh, right! So, I was thinking. You know how we made it through every page in that book “101 Nights of Grrreat S-”
A honk interrupts the last word.
SYDNEY (CONT.)
And none of it really worked for us?
John laughs. He reveals himself to have a sense of humor. He answers sarcastically.
JOHN
Well yes? But I did like that one position… what was it called? The Banana Split? The Nutcracker’s Revenge?
Sydney chuckles.
SYDNEY
Oh god that was awful. So (beat) I was thinking we could kind of look at the book the same way we looked at that one. We could try to model the shapes of all of those modern metal sculptures...
John laughs.
JOHN
With our bodies?
Sydney lets out a youthful giggle and nods. John jokes again.
JOHN
Metal on metal isn’t exactly a phrase I ever thought I would use to describe sex with my wife, but if it makes you happy, honey, I’ll try it.
END FLASHBACK
The phone rings through to an automated voice messaging system.
AUTOMATED VOICE MESSAGING SYSTEM
Hello, please say your name and number and what you are calling about.
SYDNEY
Hi, my name is Sydney Farah and I’m calling because-
She pauses to glare at JOHN
SYDNEY
Because my husband broke his penis.
The sculpture inspired sex positions evidently did not work out. The phone is still on the table and Sydney reaches down to grab it. Instead of grabbing the phone, she grabs her BOP IT TOY which is lying on the same table. In her state of frenzy, she doesn’t even realize her mistake. She lifts it up to her ear.
SYDNEY
So what do I do?
The machine doesn’t respond.
SYDNEY (CONT.)
Hello! Hello! What do I do?! How do I fix it?
The toy starts up.
BOP IT TOY
Bop it to start.
SYDNEY
Oh-Oh. Well, alright.
Sydney raises her hand as if to hit John, but then pauses.
SYDNEY (CONT.)
Well, what exactly do you mean by Bop it?
She puts down the Bop It toy. The Bop it toy starts talking again.
BOP IT TOY
Twist it.
SYDNEY
Oh ok well that I understand.
Camera zooms in on Sydney’s face. Then on John’s face. Sydney twists, but the camera is still on John.
JOHN
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh--
SUPERIMPOSE TITLE:
THE END.