Top Secret Information from China's Spy Balloon

CAUTION: ONLY RELEASE IF THE U.S. IS OVERTAKEN BY THE CHINESE COMMUNIST PARTY

Appropriate Uses For Caffeine

The Tragic New Disease of Elon Musk

Breaking News: English Teacher Learns Nobody Cares About his Midlife Crisis

Teen Declared Failure

BREAKING NEWS: A High School Senior Gets A Full Night Of Sleep

Old Man Rejoices as Viagra Spill Triggers City-Wide Hard Water Crisis

“Tofu Stole My Soul”: The Elkwood High Story

Press Release From Heaven: Gay People Are Cool Now!

“In hindsight it was a bad idea,” admits SAT Proctor After Operating Jackhammer During Exam

Dog Eager to Spite-Piss on Rug After Not Being Included on Family Walk

Surprising But True: Every Member Contributes To Group Project Equally

The RBeeGees

BREAKING: Teacher Tells Students To Go Outside, Then Actually Gives Time To Do So

Financial Advisor Seen Buying Lottery Tickets

ABC Announces Family Feud: Dating Show Edition to Appeal to Southern Market

Baddest Bitch of 2020 Completes Her World Tour

Students Forced to Vape in Their Own Bathrooms Now That School Restrooms Are Closed

Petition to Rename Mount Everest, "Mountain Everest"