By William Herff:
Craig Hotard, 73, told reporters Wednesday he was rejoiced by the resulting hard water crisis instigated by the municipal viagra spill. Unable to tell whether Craig had a banana in his pants or if he was just excited to be on the news, our sources confirm that the viagra spill has given hard water an entirely new meaning. Trace amounts of viagra have found their way into the city’s aquifer and are capable of producing their desired effect on those curious enough to consume the tap water. “I’ve been collecting the stuff in jars,” said Hotard, who had made 3-4 weekly trips to his local CVS for his arousing medication before the spill. “My life has never been better or more convenient.”