By Nataly Delcid
You’re a student and you want to show up to class looking all mysterious and edgy so your teachers think you're a prodigy.
You’re a lazy shit.
You’re Nataly Delcid
Oat Milk Latte
It's winter and want to know what it’s like to be happy again
You’re socially and romantically starved and want to know that the barista did latte art for you and just you because you haven’t felt the gentle touch of a lover in 18 months.
You have a 12-page paper due in 9 hours that you haven’t laid a finger on.
You have a concussion and need to know what it’s like to feel happy again.
You’re about to play a sports game and feel the need to drink a Celsius because you’re a hoe for the placebo effect.
You hate FDA approved products
You hate the FDA
You hate the government
You hate democracy
You want high blood pressure
You do not have a 12-page paper due in 9 hours that you haven’t laid a finger on.
You hate yourself
You’re a Satanist
See Celsius, appropriate use #3
Your name is Kyle
Shut the fuck up.