By Alex Ritchey:
INT. DENTAL OFFICE HALLWAY --- 8:04 AM
The hallway is as sterile as an alien cover-up site. HOLLY GREEN, JOSH O’VALLEY, SARAH LEE, LISA DODDS, and PEOPLE NOBODY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT, 1 through 16, stand near DR. JAMES FERDINAND, a bearded dentist.
DR. JAMES FERDINAND:
In these 13 years of internship at Houston West Dental Care, you will suffer immense loss. Your hair will turn gray and several of you will quit before it’s over. Some of you might even die. Everyone around you is your competition. You’ll now split into groups.
All of the interns look around. HOLLY GREEN, JOSH O’VALLEY, SARAH LEE, AND LISA DODDS all stand next to each-other.
DR. JAMES FERDINAND:
Holly, Josh, Sarah, Lisa, you’re with Dr. Tobias Regis.
SARAH LEE:
Ugh, I heard he was literally like Hitler.
LISA DODDS:
Maybe he’s nice?
SARAH LEE begins to give LISA DODDS the stink-eye.
SARAH LEE:
Well, I also heard that you slept with your boss to get here.
LISA DODDS gasps. DR. JAMES FERDINAND socks SARAH LEE directly in the jaw, causing her to fall over and chip her tooth. INTERNS NOBODY GIVE A DAMN ABOUT 1 through 16 faint and are pronounced out of the canon.
DR. JAMES FERDINAND:
Your first test starts now!
DR. TOBIAS REGIS hears the sound of a tooth cracking and dashes into the room.
DR. TOBIAS REGIS:
Oh holy hell, get us 250 cc’s of novocaine and a gurney, STAT!
INT. DENTAL TREATMENT ROOM --- 8:23 AM
SARAH LEE is in the dental patient chair, nose still bloodied, with DR. TOBIAS REGIS and JOSH O’VALLEY working on her teeth. LISA DODDS and HOLLY GREEN are watching from a room to the side.
DR. TOBIAS REGIS:
Remove the tooth, Josh.
JOSH O’VALLEY:
I can’t. I’m too scared.
DR. TOBIAS REGIS, shouting:
DO IT, JOSH!
JOSH O’VALLEY takes the tooth in question out and proceeds to faint and fall into the clinicians chair.
LISA DODDS, chewing on a granola bar:
I bet she slept with her boss.
HOLLY GREEN:
Are you projecting?
LISA DODDS:
...Yes.
HOLLY GREEN:
...Me too.
HOLLY GREEN and LISA DODDS hug. The camera pans away and fades out to a shot of the hospital and dental patients crying.
HOLLY GREEN, narrating:
To make it in dentistry, you have to sleep with your boss. There’s no ifs, ands or buts. But I think I’m really liking it here. They give out three meals a day, and even give us dorm rooms. It ain’t bad being a dentist.
The camera pans to a floor guide in an elevator, revealing that the floor all the interns are on is a psychiatric facility inside of the dental care facility.