Italian Restaurant

Updated: Jun 25

By Benji Elkins:


INT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

JAKE and AMANDA wait in line to be helped by a host. Jake is dressed in a suit, a trench coat, and a fedora, AMANDA in a red gown with red gloves.


AMANDA

So why are we all dressed up again?


JAKE

I told you, it’s an authentic 40s Italian Restaurant, we gotta look the part.


AMANDA

Okay. Well, you do look sharp in your suit “Jakey boy.”


JAKE

“Jakey boy” what was that? Why’d you say that?


AMANDA

It was like a 40’s thing. All the girls called their hubbys “something boy”.


JAKE

No don’t do that. You’ll embarrass me.


AMANDA

Okay, okay, I was just trying to get into it.


JAKE

Just... I have an image around here you know.


AMANDA

Okay.


The Maitre D approaches.


MAITRE D

Ey! “Jakey boy” how are ya fuddy duddy!


JAKE

Why Vino, how are ya son of a gun?


VINO

Good good, let me get the two of yous seated huh?


AMANDA

This is ridiculous.


JAKE

Yeah, get us seated ya eager beaver.


The three walk over to a table. Jake and Amanda take a seat. Vino leaves.

JAKE (CONT’D)

This is great huh?


AMANDA

It’s okay.


JAKE

Just wait. Every half hour they do an authentic show.


AMANDA

Like Johnny Rockets!


JAKE

Yeah.


A waiter comes by and takes the two’s orders. Then, a chime RINGS.


JAKE (CONT’D)

Oh this is it.


The lights dim. Suddenly banging is heard from the kitchen. The smashing of pots and silverware on the floor can be heard. Muffled footsteps can now be heard from the kitchen. More clanging of metal. Then a BANG! A woman and a man can be heard.


MAN

What you say?! What you fuckin’ say?!


WOMAN

Johnny no!


MAN

What I tell you?! Huh?! What I fuckin’ tell you?!


More pots smash to the ground.


WOMAN

Johnny!


MAN

You don’t ask about my business! You DON’T!

WOMAN

(through tears)

Okay, okay.


Jake and Amanda look at each other.


AMANDA

This is not like Johnny Rockets at all.


JAKE

(regretfully)

No not at all.


One final SMASH is heard.

WOMAN

No, Johnny...No.


The MAN comes out of the kitchen in a wife beater dragging the WOMAN follows in a ragged dress. The man smashes a pot on the ground. Then the woman pulls out a switch blade.


WOMAN (CONT'D)

Johnny, back!


MAN

Woah now.


WOMAN

Johnny. I'll do it.


MAN

Be reasonable. You put that thing away or I'll kick your fucking ass.


WOMAN

Johnny.


MAN

Put it the fuck away. Now!


The WOMAN runs at the MAN who takes her down to the ground. She begins to cry silently, staring at the ground, Johnny takes the knife away from her and walks away. The patrons in the restaurant instantly stand up cheer, hollering and clapping loudly. The man and woman take a bow.


AMANDA

That was horrible.


A waiter brings them their food.


JAKE

Wow, what an experience.


AMANDA

I know.


WAITER

You thought that was an experience? Last week I went to an authentic Israeli restaurant. Best hummus I’ve ever had and the circumcision performance was to die for.


Amanda and Jake look at each other in confusion. The waiter holds up a keychain with something dangling off.

WAITER (CONT’D)

They even let you take home the foreskin as a souvenir!


END.

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