New Air Freshener

By Alex Ritchey:


INT. DAVID’S APARTMENT--- 11:34 AM


The scent of death is in the air. A body lays on the floor, and DAVID is panicking: He has just killed somebody. DAVID whispers to himself.


DAVID:

What am I gonna do…? What am I gonna do…?


GEORGE PHILIBUSTER enters the room with a big grin on his face. He is wearing an extravagant white suit, and is holding a bottle of Extrem-o-Clean-o Weed Scented Air Freshener in his hand.


GEORGE PHILIBUSTER:

Has this ever happened to you?


DAVID:

What?


GEORGE PHILIBUSTER:

Try Extrem-o-Clean-o, the new air freshener that’ll hide any smell!


DAVID:

Why are you in my house?


GEORGE PHILIBUSTER sprays the Extrem-o-Clean-o around the area where the body lies. The entire room now smells like marijuana. DAVID begins to cough.


DAVID:

What the hell, dude?


GEORGE PHILIBUSTER:

Extrem-o-Clean-o will hide any smell you need it to! It comes in a variety of scents, including gas leak, weed, cigarette smoke, and e-cigarette juice.


DAVID:

Get out, man!


GEORGE PHILIBUSTER:

I’ll call the cops!


DAVID:

Oh my god, just help me get rid of this thing.


EXT. FOREST --- 12:09 PM


DAVID and GEORGE PHILIBUSTER proceed to hide the body in a forest near his apartment. DAVID is incredibly sweaty, while GEORGE PHILIBUSTER is still squeaky clean.


GEORGE PHILIBUSTER:

Extrem-o-Clean-o will prevent yucky smells from getting stuck in your house by replacing them with less yucky smells. Your friends and family will do the work for you!


INT. DAVID’S APARTMENT --- 12:28 PM


DAVID’s roommate, KENNEDY, enters the room.


KENNEDY:

Woah, dude… smells like weed in here. Better get this cleaned up.


KENNEDY wields a combination of Extrem-o-Clean-o Cigarette Smoke scented air freshener and Extrem-o-Clean-o Gas Leak scented air freshener.


DAVID:

Wow… it really does work!


GEORGE PHILIBUSTER:

That’s right! And if you don’t like it, you’re guaranteed your money back!


SEVERAL COPS bust down the door. DAVID and KENNEDY are surprised but GEORGE PHILIBUSTER is unfazed.


GEORGE PHILIBUSTER:

How does it smell, boys?


SEVERAL COPS:

Wow, it smells like a gas leak. Everybody get out, we’re gonna get someone to fix this for you.



DAVID and KENNEDY:

Wow!


NARRATOR:

Do not use more than 1 milliliter of Extrem-o-Clean-o air freshener at one time. Do not mix different kinds of Extrem-o-Clean-o. Side effects may include trouble breathing, halitosis, congestion, hallucinations, homicidal rage, organ failure, and immediate and incredibly gory death.


The camera pans towards where the body used to lie, where there is only a bottle of air freshener with a mysterious red stain over the label.


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©2018 by The Milking Cat.