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A School Survival Kit

By Ella Bilu

The grueling days of shuffling through overcrowded hallways that definitely exceed the fire count limit and having to reprint your chemistry homework because you cried too much on your old one have arrived. School is back and fully in session!

High school can be tough. It’s full of judgemental people and sometimes you may feel like the only people rooting for you to succeed are those two lunch ladies you say hi to every day. Navigating a world where people are always watching you is hard, especially if you have no idea what you’re doing. Luckily, the Milking Cat has got you. Here’s what you need to rely on this school year to survive.

Sleep in the library: When you’re going to bed at 3am because of your AP U.S. History homework, you will take the sleep when you can and that means sleeping in the library. During lunch, during your 5-minute passing periods, before and after school. Pro-tip: bring a small pillow and blanket and store them behind your school’s collection of Ancient Roman literature to ensure they will never be stolen. Not even the librarian would go over there.

School spirit: GOOO TIGERS, right? Right? While having school spirit has been regarded as embarrassing in past times, it’s time to embrace your inner fan and start taking spirit very seriously. I mean run to the local party store and buy out their entire tutu section type of seriously. The next time your school plays the overly-privileged private school, make very unique signs that say “Daddy’s Money” and “You Can’t Buy Yourself this W”.

Librarians: Need help finding a book? The librarian’s got you. Need a friend? The librarian’s got you. Need someone to rant to about your crippling amount of homework and boyfriend drama? The librarian’s got you. Whatever you need, your friend behind the check-out counter will always be there to hand you a bookmark that says “Believe” or say, “I’m sorry to hear that sweetie, but I suggest you visit the school counselor about that. There’s not much I can say.”

Procrastination: Imagine this: you get out of school worried about your History paper due the next day, but wait, your friend invites you to get boba. Of course, you accept. Why would a History paper about some dead white dude stop you from getting the delicious delicacy that is boba? After all, you’ll have time later in the night. But…getting boba turns into going to the movies and then scrolling endlessly on Zillow looking at houses much out of your price range. Now it’s 11pm and all you have is somewhat of a thesis even though it sounds more like the language of the cavemen you're currently learning about. But, hey! At least you’re happy.

Airpods: Genuinely, I believe that Airpods have provided high school students with more content and peace than therapists have. Whether you’re walking through your school’s hallway listening to the soundtrack of Euphoria pretending that you’re about to fight your best friend who stole your boyfriend or listening to your saved TikTok audio for the 10th time, Airpods are a great way to spice up your life. The next time you’re bored, just pop these bad boys out and walk through the grocery store aisle feeling like the main character.


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