By Anna Scott
After thirty-seven weeks of throwing laundry on the floor while gaming, a local teen has reported that this mass of dirty socks and t-shirts has gained consciousness as its own sentient being — and it’s angry. The conglomeration of various disgusting pieces of clothing apparently terrorized the entire teenager’s family as he finished up his game of League of Legends, only noticing the terrifying mass of laundry as he got up to demand when dinner would be ready.
“Oh dear God! Oh, great Scott!” the kid’s mom, Karen Anderson, said as the pile moved towards her at top speeds, as she repeatedly hit it with one of those long Swiffer dusters. Local reporters caught a moment on the scene when they heard a meow coming from inside the mound, and Mrs. Anderson dove in, allegedly screaming, “MITTENS!!!” Luckily for the terrified family, the cat was rescued safely, and the mass of laundry was apprehended by local authorities and taken into custody.
Local news sources reached out to the teenager responsible for the chaos for comment, but he was too enthralled in his game of Call of Duty to give us a quote. Reporters on the scene speculate the tower of forgotten Monster Energy cans in the corner of the kid’s room will be the next to gain cognizance.