Facebook Unveils a New Product: Data Diver

By Suryan Atherya


[Outside San Francisco, California]


Controversial CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, announced that Facebook would be releasing a brand-new platform for users to enjoy. The product, data diver, will stand as a convenient way for users to reveal their data without the hassle of creating a Facebook account! All a user must do is sign up for the service and submit their address, home phone number, credit card information, social security number, and their insurance information. After this simple step, the Chinese government and outside hackers will be conveniently informed of their information!


Zuckerberg stated that Data Diver was created to spite several accusations of data leaks. He stated, “Look, we got tired of all of the accusations of data mining, even if they may be true. To combat them, I had the team create Data Diver as a tool to cut the clutter out of Facebook’s mission. We made the app so as not to deceive our customers, for they now conveniently know exactly how their identities have been replicated throughout the world!


Data Diver eliminates the guesswork in Facebook leaks, as it cuts right to the chase of leaking their data without pretending to be a company about social connections. I’m proud of this one.”. Demo customers are already raving about Data Diver. One even claimed, “I used to wonder where my data went when I signed up for Facebook but Data Diver allows me to know exactly where my social security number is, in a database in Russia!”. Look for the new Facebook: Data Diver, appearing in app stores in two weeks.