How to be a Master of Procrastination

By Aarav Sonthalia

Start with good intentions. Open your laptop at 6 p.m. and declare that today will be different. You’ll tackle that essay, ace that physics problem set, or maybe even complete Ms. Dunbar’s Euro reading for once. Let the pristine, blank essay document stare back at you while your brain screams just five minutes of Rocket League, that won’t hurt, right? Five minutes turns into an hour, and suddenly you're flying through the air in your virtual car, scoring goals, missing open nets, and berating your opponents with more passion and fervor than you’ve ever applied to algebra. Homework? What homework?

When you finally close the game, you promise yourself you’ll start working. But then your friends call to play Fortnite. Just one match, you tell yourself. But you get eliminated too quickly. You can’t end on a loss, that’s just not right. Suddenly, you're three games deep, and you’ve spent more time constructing loadouts and getting clipped than writing your essay due the next day. But hey, at least Fortnite was fun.

Remember the assignment. Panic a little. Ok, a lot. Decide to calm down by making a snack. Spend 20 minutes constructing the perfect grilled cheese because obviously, you can’t work without fueling your brain. When you sit down again, you “accidentally” click on YouTube. Oh well. Now that you’re there, might as well make the most of it. You find yourself watching a 45-minute documentary on how samurai swords are made. Fascinating. Surely this counts as learning.

Realize the clock is ticking, and the pressure is finally sinking in. Start typing furiously, only to remember you’ve forgotten the assignment instructions. Frantically open Schoology to check, but instead of clarity, you find a notification about your upcoming physics quiz in three days. Convince yourself it’s a priority. Open a YouTube lesson on the topic, set the speed to 2x, and tell yourself you’re multitasking. In reality, you’re also playing Brawl Stars on your phone because why not? Efficiency, you think.

Finally, at 10 p.m., you begin. Fueled by a combination of guilt, caffeine, and a fear of not finishing, you churn out your work like a writer on a tight deadline (which, to be fair, you are). Is it your best effort? Absolutely not. But it’s finished, and that’s all that matters.

Swear to yourself that next time, you’ll start earlier. You won’t let distractions get the better of you. Except you know—and deep down, you accept—that the cycle will repeat. Because you’re a master of procrastination. But hey, at least you’re consistent.