My Impressions Of The Liberal Arts Colleges I Have Toured In The Last Six Months

By Anka Chiorini


As a rising high school senior, I've spent the past several months of my life dragging my family around the country to look at private liberal arts colleges. Here are some of my observations:


Vassar College: It’s so perfect, it has to be a trap.


Hamilton College: You’re going to be really disappointed when you find out it has no ties to the musical.


Bowdoin College: So far away from civilization that I’m not sure it exists.


Oberlin College: Your immediate circle of friends consists solely of undeclared poets who dabble in jazz flute.


Boston College: It’s a fucking university.


Bard College: You will get lost in the woods and emerge with a bachelor's degree in Indonesian Puppetry.


Emerson College: You will get lost in the city and get hit by a car.


Middlebury College: Skiing is a distribution requirement.


Brandeis University: But, like, is it Jewish?


Bates College: Mostly sports fields. Not sure why.


Mount Holyoke College: They built it just for women?!


Williams College: Please let me in.