10 Reasons Why I Just Lost That 1v1 Basketball Game Against You

By Seungwoo Lee

1. My (goldfish named) Mom died.

2. The court we were playing on was slightly slanted: I don’t know about you, but I am a

man with sophisticated senses. I cannot play on a court that is sloped one degree.

3. I was playing with a broken leg: I didn’t want to say this, but I was playing with a broken

leg the whole time. You now know why I missed that dunk.

4. My shoes were filled with sharp drawing pins: I want to show you evidence, but my feet

healed immediately.

5. Someone was playing a Bruno Mars song in the background: How was I supposed to

block your moves when my limbs were trying to vigorously dance to the tunes of Uptown

Funk.

6. I have a weakness against weak people: As an altruistic individual, I just didn’t have the

heart to see you become a loser again.

7. Your mother secretly asked me to go easy on you: Your mother did tell me that, since I

am a much better basketball player, I should go easy on you (yes, she did say this

verbatim).

8. You didn’t shave properly: I wasn’t able to focus on anything but the large chunk of hair

you missed near the right corner of your mouth.

9. I’m addicted to sports betting (and I bet my whole fortune on you): I chose money over

glory, and I’m damn proud of it.

10. I’m better than you: I lost to you because I’m better than you. You don’t get it? That’s not

my problem.