10 Tips to Not Only Survive High School But Thrive

By Kaileb Rickmon

GREETINGS, NEWLY CORONATED FRESHMAN!

Now that you have left the smelly halls of middle school, you get to enjoy the crowded, and smelly halls of high school.

Let me guess, you want to be the most popular and beloved student in the school's history? You want to be talked about for generations after you’re gone. That will take a lot of hard work and dedication. Oh, you don’t want to work hard for it, well I have an alternative for you. All you need to do is follow these ten sage steps that are guaranteed to make you a decorous student.

1. To begin, simply just skip class. We all know high school is as useless as being in the olympics for esports,so you might as well skip. Pull a Ferris Bueller because there's no point in learning when those random YouTube videos from eight years ago can teach you so much better.
   

2. Be rude and disrespectful to teachers because what do these old people know? You already know everything you made through middle school! They only want to see you fail because they went to school an extra four years to make not even half of what your YouTube tutor makes.
   

3. Be rude to all your classmates. Assert your dominance over these failures, they have no idea they are talking to the next big soundcloud rapper. Show them that you are better than them and how vacuous they are.
   

4. Be as loud as a Hyena. Everyone needs to know what Tracey said to you yesterday and it would be rude of you not to tell them. Remember, your problems also belong to everyone else and there’s no need to be idyllic, so let the entire school district know what's going on in your life.
   

5. Never get involved in any activities. Who needs friends and a social life when you got your phone and Hulu. Sports, clubs, Organizations, all are useless because you're never going to use them in the “real world”. So just like SpongeBob, stay indoors.
   

6. Never push yourself because trying hard hurts and who needs to learn how to push through hard times such as finishing that 300 word easy your teacher sprang on you two weeks ago. Resilience is a useless skill, almost as useless as high school itself.
   

7. Never pay attention. What’s the point of listening to someone talk for 45 minutes when you can find the notes online? Doing that can free up time to do other things like see who won the Jets game. (It wasn’t the jets. It’s never the jets)
   

8. Only focus on the now. The future is light years away and you're only a freshman, only focus on what is going on now, find that new piece of drama, overthink about your homecoming dress, and don't take schoollinks seriously. Bask in your youth and don’t worry about plans after high school, considering it’s so far away.
   

9. If you don’t like the previous option just do the juxtaposition. Only focusing on your grades ensures your future success; and we love guaranteed success, so ditch your already nonexistent social life, sign up for all AP classes and get that 4.5 GPA.
   

10. Last, but certainly not least, only stick to what you know. Leaving your comfort zone is scary, can lead to failure, and most importantly it is very uncomfortable. To save yourself the embarrassment of possibly failing, stay comfortable and remember, “If you never take a shot, you’ll never miss.”

As you see, it is easy to succeed in High School. If you just follow these steps you’ll be the ultimate student and the ultimate winner, unlike the entire New York Jets franchise.

If you would like to support me, buy more of my didactic books in the Rickmon recommendation series. This is Kaileb Rickmon, signing off.