By Asher Hancock:
Virtual Rideshare:
Rideshare companies have gained a lot of popularity over the last few years with competitors such as Lyft and Uber constantly trying to innovate to stay ahead. Since the coronavirus pandemic began, there has been increasing fear among drivers to go to work and many have been laid off. Experienced drivers and people with no skills whatsoever who are stuck at home and looking for money can sign up to be a “driver” for Halt. Halt is a new virtual ride share service that was “created by a few lonely guys who couldn’t think of anything better to do,” according to their website. Working for Halt entails first setting up a camera device in the back of your car from the point of view of a rideshare customer so the camera is just pointed at the back of the driver’s seat. You then sit in the driver's seat and virtual customers call you for a ride and you pretend to drive wherever they ask. You should offer them water and as an added bonus, some gum. Passengers can request to make conversation, but many lonely customers just want to sit in silence in the company of another person. Considering the meteoric rise of this business since being started 3 days ago, you can expect to be paid around $30 per hour with dental. Car insurance is not included so drive safe!
Only Hands:
Not to be confused with the private subscription based content service, OnlyFans, this new website provides a much needed platform for hand content. You may see this and think, why would I post my hands on the internet for the pleasure of creepy middle aged men? Only Hands is not as one-dimensional as it may seem and there is a variety of categories of content on Only Hands. If you are interested in learning sign language, the site has seen a rise of creators freestyling in sign language. While you may intend this to help bring in deaf viewers, the majority of viewers in this category are just regular people who find watching creators moving their hands over a beat to be quite the comedy. You also may want to try creating sock puppet videos but fans of such content tend to have unusually high expectations. Forums have been created just to trash the “character development” of such videos and viewers are very particular about the genre having to be “sock opera”. One of the most easy and lucrative ways to succeed on Only Hands is just recording a 10 second clip of you doing jazz hands and looping it for 3 hours. You can expect to make up to 1,000,000 Yen in sales for doing this, which is equal to around 9,000 American dollars. Actor Ben Kingsley made one of these loops and said it was the best 3 hour film he’s ever been a part of. Sorry Gandhi.
Scam Slam:
While scamming is a generally unacceptable practice, desperate times call for desperate measures. Scam Slam provides internet scammers with a platform to exchange tips with one another and a variety of tools designed to help maximize effectiveness. The forums on this website have proven to be the most popular part of the site. Scammers can discuss the best new name for their Nigerian prince or what fake charitable cause is the most likely to gain support. You may not be able to make money directly off the site but the site has led to so many successful scams that Apple has cancelled their customer service phone line. Scam Slam offers personalized scam advice for $1,000 a minute and the website claims that the high price is due to “the expensive nature of tsunami insurance” at their headquarters in Ethiopia. They claim to have recruited all of the Kardashians as their expert advisors because how they scammed their way into fame is a mystery to this day. Whether or not you take advantage of this feature, Scam Slam is still one of the most potentially fruitful and increasingly shady ways to make serious cash through the internet.
Final Thoughts
If you want a job during the time of coronavirus, then try to get a real one, maybe at a Trader Joes or at UPS. If that doesn’t work out, then these online jobs are a great way to gain some steady income until the quarantine is over. At least begin them with the intention of getting a real job again when quarantine is over, but no-one will blame you if you choose to never leave your home again. The loss of self-respect that comes with every paycheck from these sites will likely make it challenging to show your face in the outside world ever again anyway. Your debt will not only decrease but so will your dignity!