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This Person’s Filtered Life

By Fariha Tasnim

Ah, the morning struggle. Not for coffee, mind you. No, ThisPerson's struggle is far more existential - the daily scramble to curate their life into a never-ending Instagram story. Sleep? Who needs it when you can capture that glorious first-light snooze for the #MorningMotivation crowd? (Don't worry, the strategic use of a fluffy animal filter hides the evidence of drool-stained PJs.)

Breakfast is a symphony of clicks and clacks. The clinking of the spoon against the cereal bowl provides the percussion, while the frantic typing documents the culinary masterpiece - a single blueberry strategically placed on a plate for maximum aesthetic appeal. #CleanEating, after all, is an essential ingredient for ThisPerson.

The commute to work is a goldmine of potential content. A fellow passenger dares to take a bite of their donut before snapping a pic? Scandal! A perfectly timed shot of a grumpy office worker slamming their head on the desk? Comedy gold! Every groan, sigh, and spilled coffee cup is meticulously documented for the voyeuristic pleasure of their 17 loyal followers.

The workday itself is a blur of strategic bathroom selfies (gotta catch that perfect lighting!), dramatic resignation-threat emails (for those sweet, sweet likes), and passive-aggressive inspirational quotes about the "hustle." Lunch is a carefully constructed affair. A single, artfully placed avocado slice on whole-wheat toast (because #healthyeating is key to branding, even if the taste is debatable). The background? A strategically placed copy of a self-help book titled "You Too Can Be an Influencer for Dummies." Subtlety was never ThisPerson's strong suit.

The afternoon is a whirlwind of activity, all meticulously documented, of course:

1:23 PM: Strategic "Look who's working hard!" selfie, complete with furrowed brows and overflowing inboxes (inbox zero is for the unambitious).

2:47 PM: A play-by-play of a fake client call filled with buzzwords and exaggerated hand gestures. #NailedIt

4:13 PM: Passive-aggressive post about a coworker who "just doesn't get the importance of side hustles." #BlessTheirHeart

As the clock strikes 5, it's time for the pièce de résistance - the #GymLife post. A carefully angled mirror shot (gotta capture those gains!), complete with the caption "Earning that cheat meal!" (cheat meal photo coming soon, don't worry followers).

Dinner is a blur of delivery app containers and forced smiles. Family? What family? They were too busy double-tapping the latest updates on their phone to engage in something as quaint as conversation. Besides, who needs real-life connections when you have 17 loyal followers who hang on to your every filtered moment?

Exhausted but glowing with the satisfaction of a day thoroughly documented, ThisPerson crawls into bed. As they drift off to sleep, a single tear rolls down their cheek. Not a tear of sadness, mind you, but a tear of pure, unadulterated joy. After all, they'd managed to capture every single mundane moment of their existence for the world to see. What a life. What a legacy. #Blessed #LivingMyBestLife

Fariha Tasnim is very fond of the skull emoji, and controversy theories.


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