By Libby Nook
Prom?
DO YOU LIKE DANCING? DO YOU LIKE PURCHASING CORSAGES? DO YOU HAPPEN TO OWN A TUXEDO?
If you can check any (preferably all) of these boxes, PLEASE read on!
Hi :) I’m Lindsey. I’m a senior at Rivertown High, and I am in need of a date to prom!
A little about me: I’m artificially blonde, thanks to my stylist Clarissa, have, according to my dear mother, dazzling aquamarine eyes, and am 5’3,” so I’m totally willing to go with a short guy (as long as I am not taller than him in heels).
Interests: Some of my hobbies include pilates, pottery, and playing the recorder, which I am classically trained in. I used to cheer for Rivertown High. However, my career ended after I was involved in an almost fatal human-pyramid incident, which sadly forced me into retirement. I also love having fun conversations about thrifting, pop culture, and the effects of climate change on orphaned koalas.
Qualifications: As stated at the top, my ideal prom date likes dancing, will purchase me a magenta corsage to match my dress, and will own a tux. I am looking for a prom date who loves to have a good time, happens to have the build of a professional weight-lifter, and is willing to carry me home in the emergency that I cannot bear to walk another step in my heels after the evening festivities.
If Accepted: You will receive a DM on Instagram from me declaring you as “the chosen one.” Upon accepting the DM, you must be prepared to attend the pre-pre-prom party (at my house), the pre-prom party (at my best friend Mia’s house), the prom (at Rivertown High School), and the post-prom (most likely at Rivertown’s star quarterback Will Chanco’s house). I will be prom-posing to the winner at some point between the DM interaction and the day of the prom. During this period, I recommend that the winner always looks presentable because he’s expected to be surprised when this life-changing “question” happens. Please also note that this prom-posal will be filmed and sent to the Rivertown High School Class of 2023 Prom Instagram.
I appreciate any and all applications. May the best potential prom date win! To apply (slide into the DMs): @LindseyCollins
Xoxo, Lindsey <3