A People Pleaser's Guide to Fulfillment

By Molly Caesar-Kim

A Note from the Author: My parents always used to tell me my most-used word throughout my childhood was “sorry”. However, it would be a lie if I were to say it still doesn’t remain one of my most repeated phrases.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!”

“Whoops! Sorry!”

“Yes, I’ll do that now. I am so SO sorry!”

As a child, the idea of “people pleasing” was foreign to me. I always acknowledged I was a timid child who allowed pretty much anyone to walk all over me, but I never knew this behaviour could be defined by the ideology that is “people pleaser”. The most ironic part about people pleasers is that they are never fully able to recognize what they are doing. It’s like that one pimple, that one blemish that you just can’t get rid of. No matter how hard you may attempt to mask, vigorously pick and squeeze, put up a strong front, the idea of confrontation makes you sick. And with that, you fall back into the pattern of putting others before yourself.

Disclaimer: The art of pleasing people was not created for your benefit, but for the benefit of literally anyone else. So before you begin reading this ultimate mastery guide to the art of people pleasing, please note that people pleasing is centered around the moral and happiness of others, and has no reflection on your personal contentment.

1. Always move first.

The busy morning rush requires you to move where you're standing various times, assuring everyone else can get where they need to before yourself. You shouldn't be putting yourself first, why would you ever think that? You should shuffle and stumble around the train station, always clearing the doors for the business men and mothers to come flooding out with their briefcases and children grasping onto their palms. You should never hesitate, your movements should feel swift, decisive, and purposeful. You are here to please, not to become an inconvenience to someone's day.

2. Smile

Whether it is a momentary interaction with a stranger, or a long conversation with a good friend, for god sakes, paint a smile on your face. Regardless of how eerie, wide, or facetious it may be, you should always flash a smile. Now, it is important that the grin comes off as genuine, which may take some time to perfect. Practice this like an art. Religiously and compulsively obsess over your smile until it becomes your default setting. Now, next time you hold the door for someone, they will, nine times out of ten, reveal a slight but visible smile on their face. And that is what makes the art of pleasing people so rewarding.

3. “I’m Sorry”

If you take anything away from this tutorial, apologizing should be your priority. Apologizing is how you perfect the art of people pleasing. The final piece to gain that kind, outward external praise we seem to crave. Keep these two words on the edge of your tongue until they have the joyous opportunity to leap out like steam escaping the sipping hole of a coffee cup unavoidable. So, say it again. Say it louder. Say it even when you're not sure why you’re saying it. Think of “I’m sorry” as your little emotional Febreze—it doesn’t clean anything, but it sure makes everything smell like you tried. It’s not really about guilt; it’s about manners with flair. Apologies are your social currency, and you better tip well.

And when you finally collapse into bed after a long day of helping, nodding, smiling, scooting, apologizing for breathing too enthusiastically—you can tuck yourself in with a warm, whispered “sorry” for taking up space in the universe. Because nothing says inner peace like total, unrelenting external validation.

Congratulations, you're now equipped with the People Pleaser’s Holy Trinity: move fast, smile wide, and apologize profusely. Fulfillment? Who needs that when you’ve got the approval of someone who barely noticed you were there?