ALMOST One Million People

By Ariana White:


On June 15th, Donald J. Trump used his world-famous, well run, and completely inoffensive Twitter account to share very exciting news about his rally held on Saturday, June 20th. The tweet read “Almost One Million people request tickets for the Saturday Night Rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma!” shedding light on the large number of people - maskless, of course - who reserved seats. Trump’s campaign manager said about 800,000 people registered for the rally, while the stadium representative helplessly tried to explain that the venue could only hold up to 19,200 people. This led to Trump’s rebuttal in the form of a highly professional tweet: “FAKE NEWS.” Little did Trump know, the majority of these seats were actually reserved by a collection of Gen-Z Tik-Tokers whose knowledge of technology, a wicked sense of humor, and lack of voting rights fueled this form of peaceful protest. Rather than the expected overflow of people, the attendance was worse than that of a WNBA game on a Tuesday night. Trump supporter Lily Silverstein commented on the sparse attendance saying, “This is all the fault of those liberals.” She might be right. Those libs are, after all, known for their trickiness. Trump also planned to give a second speech to address the overflowing crowd outside of the stadium, but since there was simply no one there, he sadly had to cancel what would have surely been a spectacular oration. There are many reasonable explanations for the emptiness outside the rally: maybe people were stuck in traffic, scared of the raging pandemic, or others simply went to the wrong rally a couple of states over in Phoenix, Arizona because no one really knows where Oklahoma is. However, we all know after those Florida beach parties and very necessary nail appointments, that a pandemic won’t stop anyone from having a little fun.

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©2018 by The Milking Cat.