An Ode to the Astrological Signs

By Ariana White:

An Ode to the Astrological Signs

(from the perspective of an Aries cuz… that’s the only opinion that matters)


Aries: As my favorite astrological sign, you are pretty amazing. Anger issues, rude nature, harsh words, and incessant need to be loud all the time aside, probably the most normal of the signs.


Taurus: I have never tried to win an argument with you. It is simply impossible.


Gemini: I appreciate your unique ability to lose friends as fast as you make them.


Cancer: I enjoy our gossip sessions and if you ever want a shoulder to cry on, I’ll be here. You’ll need one when Brad ghosts you for the fourth time.


Leo: I liked your Instagram picture, by the way, if that makes you feel better.


Virgo: Please don’t judge me... I get enough of that from my parents.


Libra: I enjoy your company until the cashier asks you, “credit or debit?” and I have to wait in the grocery store for two hours while you make up your mind.


Scorpio: I have no idea how to make this funny because I legitimately despise Scorpios. #sorrynotsorry


Sagittarius: If I ever decide to date you, I will make sure to keep at least one foot out the door.


Capricorn: Thank you for taking a break from your “One Thousand Cats” puzzle to read this article.


Aquarius: When was the last time you left your room? Also, your mother knows about the weed.


Pisces: For some reason everything I say to you makes you cry so... I’m sorry?


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©2018 by The Milking Cat.