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Bring Back Nap Time

By Ella Bilu

When I was younger, I dreaded nap time. The thought of cuddling up in a warm, fuzzy blanket and butterfly pillow somehow repulsed me. Why would I, the most powerful five-year-old in the history of the universe, need to take some time off? Well, high school has hit me hard and it left me thinking. Why don’t we have nap time anymore?

Let’s look at the stats: Researchers at The Milking Cat found that…

  • If voters had nap-time in high school, Gwenyth Paltrow would have been elected as president in 2016.

  • If students had a nap time, AP tests’ pass rates would rise to a near 99%. The only people that still failed are those who skipped nap time to study for the test.

  • If students had a nap time, substitute teachers would no longer quit their jobs after being threatened by a gang of high school football players.

  • If students had a nap time, Happiness levels would skyrocket in both teachers and students.

After looking at this extremely official data, I don’t know how anyone could not support a universal nap time for high schoolers. We already torture our high school students with too much. Whether it be soggy pizza that was cooked in a plastic bag for lunch or the crippling amount of homework that makes it so students can’t do anything but sit at their desk and cry, they deserve a break.

Having designated nap times will allow students to better function in class, connect with their peers, and increase their grades. According to the Milking Cat’s researchers, a lack of sleep is the number one cause of becoming an Elon Musk fanboy. With more sleep, students can avoid making the dangerous mistake of watching TikToks about finance and instead, start their own MLMs where they convince other high schoolers that a pair of pink fuzzy socks is the key to their success.

School administrations may try and convince you that nap times take away from valuable learning time, but that could not be more false. Let’s be real, memorizing the timeline of the Roman empire is not going to get you anywhere. In reality, nothing about learning about ancient dynasties is going to help you in life. The rule of thumb is that if you take your history teacher’s age and add 200, anything past that is irrelevant.

If any parents in the PTA try to fight you about your stance, use these quick facts to demolish them in debate (Ben Shapiro style!):

  • Students without nap time end up living with their parents for an average of four more years. Melissa and Karen may claim to love their sons, but in reality, they cannot wait to sleep in quiet without being woken up by the screams of Fortnite.

  • 379 Fortune 500 CEOs had nap times in high school. Going against having a nap time means they don’t want their children to be successful. What parent would want that?

  • With a scheduled nap time, schools would be able to save thousands of dollars a year on running the lights and parents would no longer have to bake box mix brownies for a school fundraiser.

Having nap times in school is a no brainer. Let’s let our future leaders of America rest while they don’t have to worry about economic crises.


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