On the 13th day of the first month of 2020, the famed and barely respected online comedy magazine, The Milking Cat, has failed to put out any new content. Sadly, this has tainted the site's pristine track record of releasing quality content weekly. A protest against this depressing non-action by the comedy group, criticizing the members work ethic, is planned for this Friday. Fortunately, however, experts are not expecting any major damage to be caused by the protest, for though the fans of The Milking Cat are extremely loyal, there are only three of them. In response to The Milking Cat's lack of content this week, the editors had this to say:
Editor Noah Stern: Protesters can lick my boot. I'm my own man and I publish when I want to. Go home Jack!
(Stern did not elaborate on who Jack was.)
Editor Daniel Soslowsky: We greatly apologize for this week's inconvenience and will begin churning out pieces ASAP! For the future, we will make sure to completely change our publishing ethic to satisfy the needs of the consumer - by now preferring quantity over quality, we are sure to look professional!
Editor-in-Chief Benji Elkins: Oh, today was a Monday?
(Elkins later declared that he had still been on "Bahamian Time" from his winter vacation and thought it had been Saturday, December 28th for the past three weeks. He will be checking in to a rehabilitation center soon to combat this psychological grippe.)
Brought to you by:
The Investigative Team of The Milking Cat