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Critically Analysing the Diary of an Eleven-year-old

By Akshara Shukla:

As one tends to do when they are young, I had a secret diary. It contained all my classified information but most importantly, my crush’s name *gasp*.

Since this diary contained a secret of such magnitude, I had to do whatever I could to guard this book. So, I protected it like Facebook protects their users’ information, or as TikTokers guard themselves against the pandemic… Sorry, I’m not the best with analogies.

The following is an excerpt from my diary, written on “31 Tuesday.” Apparently, I had not yet learned the concept of months.

I know I haven’t been writing for a long time but… Fine! I have no excuse except for- I WAS LAZY!

At least I was honest with myself! I see that not much has changed. Just today, I sat down to do my physics homework-- I didn’t understand one of the questions so I looked it up on my favourite web browser: Internet Explorer.

Before I knew it, five hours had passed and there I was, watching a video of a girl eating sand because she likes the crunch.

Forging onwards:

My dad has been snooping in my room! He started talking about these weird notes I’d written for Model UN. Sheesh! I need to move this to a safer place.

As a kid I had thought that my dad would have had to execute an elaborate Ocean’s 11-esque plan of attack in order to even get to the diary. “How could someone ever even think of finding this meticulously hidden treasure?!” I remember thinking to myself. “He must have entered treading lightly, somersaulted, jimmied the lock, and then cartwheeled back!”

Where had I hidden the diary? Stuffed halfway into the front pocket of my schoolbag. Real sneaky stuff. ‘Nuff said.

My next entry (dated 32 Wednesday) began with a timeless introduction:

So today I’m home! NO SCHOOL!!!!

And ended just as beautifully as it started…

Also, I wanted to mention- I did tell Anna [friend] and that I stopped liking Guy 1, though I still like Guy 2.

I won’t tell anyone that I liked Guy 1 cuz he’s my friend now.

I had been crushing on TWO GUYS AT THE SAME TIME. I thought I was such a player. But now, looking back, this is in the top five of ‘My Most Embarrassing Moments’ list.

Also, there’s this guy, Aaron, who keeps asking Anna about who I like. It’s MOST disturbing!! Then, I asked him- “Why do you wanna know who I like??!” and he was just like, “WHY do you give a shit?” and I was just about to answer when he left.

Classic middle school interaction. I still don’t know what was going through my head. I thought I was a Confrontation Boss™, taking out my sunglasses, and strutting over to Aaron. Clearly, that wasn’t the case.

Even now, confrontation makes me do weird things. This is a conversation I had the other day following the fact that one of my classmates went around telling everyone that I frequently lie on the floor and flop like a fish. Weird...

Me: Are you spreading rumours about me?

Classmate: Excuse me? What did you just say?

Me: Uhh… *flops like a fish*

Classmate: ...

Me: ...

So that’s it! My personal thoughts from middle school are now out there for everyone to read. As cheesy as this sounds, going through this brought back so many memories- the good, the bad, but mostly the cringe.

If you’re now tempted to go through your old journal, I’d say do it! But only because it might just give you an ego boost (especially if it has pictures of you with awful bangs that make “current you” look like a supermodel in comparison. Not speaking from experience or anything).


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