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Diary of a Wimpy Man

By Benji Elkins:

Greg Heffley, the star of Jeff Kinney’s 2007 children’s novel, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, has won the heart of millions. Known for his lovable yet sadistic behavior, Greg is a household name in many American families. Celebrating 13 years of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, The Milking Cat Investigative Team has managed to secure a brief draft of Kinney’s new book, Diary of a Wimpy Man.


Rodrick is being such a jerk again. After spending all of his money on Löded Diper band equipment, he bullied me into giving him my stimulus check. I was going to spend the money on food and video games, but now I have nothing to pay my rent with. Mom said it’s a sign I should get a job but she’s been spoon-feeding Manny ever since he got out of rehab so I don’t buy it. I think maybe I might have to contact Rowley and ask him for some money. I haven’t spoken to him in a while, but I did make a deal with him that if he was ever a millionaire he would give me 100 thousand dollars.


Turns out Rowley isn’t a millionaire at all, nor even, for that matter, alive. According to this trucker I met, he OD'd on pills in a motel off of I-80 last fall. The trucker tried to convince me to pay off Rowley’s gambling debts but I figured I’d leave that one to Mr. Jefferson. Hopefully he doesn’t blame me for getting Rowley into blackjack. Maybe, after he pays off Rowley’s debts he can pay my rent too.


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