top of page

Don Draper

By Benjamin Epstein

I was in my house, alone, when suddenly, I heard a knock at the door. I opened it, only to find Don Draper.

“Hello,” he said. “I am Donald Draper. I would like to sell you some chairs.”

“May you come in?” I said.

He did may. He came in.

He walked to the living room, and I walked to the kitchen.

“What would you like?” I said.

“Love.” he said.

“Drinks.” I replied

“That would be nice.” he said.

“What kind?” I inquired

“Alcoholic water.” he uttered.

“Okay.” I got some alcoholic water and threw it into his mouth. It landed with a splat inside his throat as he drank it.

“So,” he asked. “Where can I sit?

“I don’t have any chairs.” I admitted.

“Indeed you don't. Maybe I could sell you some.” he replied.

I gasped. He truly was an amazing salesman.

“You truly are an amazing salesman.” I replied.

“That’s because I’m a genius,” He proclaimed. “I will now unleash the chairs.”

He then proceeded to unleash the stairs. Stairs fell from the sky, and soon my house was filled with stairs.

“Whoops,” he said. “It appears that I’ve accidentally unleashed the stairs instead of the chairs.”

I realized that I had to get rid of my shirt, because it was allergic to stairs. I then handed him my shirt. “Can you please get rid of this shirt?” I requested.

“Yes.” he replied. However, instead of getting rid of it, he arranged it loosely on a surface.

“Why did you do that?” I asked.

“I’m Don Draper, I drape things.” he said, and he was right.


bottom of page