By Loulou Sloss:
As an increase in deaths of distant relatives and other older members of our communities is occurring due to Covid19 and most people don't know how to access your zoom funeral link, who has but a moment to write a whole eulogy for a “Loved One?” I know I don't! That is why we at Mad Libs have released a new line of “Funeral Mad Libs.” Here is a taste of what you would be getting with our new packet:
Grandma, (Enter slightly orgasmic yet jewish sounding nickname eg: Yaya), without you around the (Land mass) feels empty. Like someone took a (Sharp Object) and stuck it right through my (Vital Organ). Once you told me, (seven dwarf esque nickname) if (Noun) ever gets you down, just say “(interjection) ! You can't make me feel ( adjective), I’m a (whatever your ugly Irish last name is) and were (dignifying yet false noun plural )!” Sorry I’m (verb ending in ing), I'm just so (adjective) now that you're DEAD.
Wow!! Emotional AND genuine sounding! Right? Now here's a taste of another popular one:
My (adjective) Husband. I can't believe you lived only (number over 75) years because you touched so many people's lives and (Sexual body part plural)! Although I am only (Age below 25), I feel like I've known you forever. From the first time I met you on (Money sending app), I (adverb) felt a connection. I am so (adjective) that none of your family could make it today. They all describe me as a (Derogatory Adjective) (Derogatory Noun) and rejected my E-vite but you knew. You saw me as a (Slightly less derogatory Noun) and I (verb) you for that. Instead I invited all of your (noun plural) from your country club. My venmo is (Sexual username) and I (verb past tense) this man.
Rather specific but surprisingly popular! And our Will and Testament Mad Lib:
I leave all of my money and all of my (List of other possessions, ALL of them.) To Mad Libs Incorporated.
Ahaha that's a short one but it really gets the point across! So buy your “The (adjective) release of death” Mad Lib packet Today!! If (disease, falling object, enemy) doesn't kill you, something will!
*Note: This piece was awarded an Honorable Mention in the 2020 Milking Cat Summer Comedy Competition*