By Akshara Shukla:
Aaron decides to go to a bar for the first time. The whole experience is new to him because he just turned 21. Of course, he’s eager to show the bouncer his licence — I repeat, he just turned 21! But, don’t get me wrong, he wants the record to state that he’d had alcohol before. Once. In tiramisu.
The conversation at the entrance goes something like this.
Aaron: Aren’t you going to ask for my licence?
Bartender: Fuck, I’m sick of these forty-somethings acting like we care that they got a new skin regimen that makes them look young.
Even though the conversation is disheartening, Aaron enters the bar undeterred. It is then that he sees one of the most beautiful girls that he’s ever seen. She looks just like a dream, the prettiest girl he’s ever seen (these are definitely not the narrator’s inner thoughts leaking in).
He walks over to the girl and starts a conversation.
Aaron: Yo, I’m Aaron.
Cassie goes back to dancing, leaving Aaron all alone. But Aaron wants to continue the conversation. He knows he can do better than just standing around. He looks suspicious when standing around, anyway. Apparently, people don’t appreciate it when you look at them from afar. Instead, they call the cops on you?
After drinking his first and surprisingly bitter shot, Aaron decides that shooting your shot CAN be bitter, but he should do it anyway.
Yes, he is a bit drunk.
Aaron: Ahh, I love your outfit — can I buy you a drink?
Cassie: Oh no, I don’t swing that way.
Aaron: That’s cool, bruh. I get it. You don’t like guys.
Cassie: No, I don’t like ugly.
Aaron is heartbroken. He sits at the bar for around three hours, staring. Don’t judge him, though. Staring is his hobby.
After a while, people start drinking at the bar to cool off from all the dancing. Then, as if a miracle happens, Aaron hears Cassie.
Cassie: I love you, babe. You’re so hot.
Aaron: I knew you’d come around! I’m not that ugly.
Cassie: Hold on, babe, some idiot’s trying to talk to me.