By Thomas Hunter:
Dear Smart Person,
Millions of people a year fall for pyramid schemes. It can sometimes be hard to understand how stupid, how idotic, how utterly out of touch one must be with reality in order to fall for such a rudimentary, obviously fabricated scheme. Well today that all changes, but before I get into it, I need to ask you a question: would you rather have $500 now, or $20,000 three weeks from now?
Keep that in mind while I offer you the chance of a lifetime.
First, let's get acquainted with the product. Back in 2007, my mentor, my best friend, the sunlight of my life, the future leader of America, Michael Guru created the most revolutionary product ever known to man: “The Anti-Pyramid Scheme Crash Course 101 - 99% Success Rate.”
It was instantly successful and sold an immeasurable number of courses. Michael Guru is a God, a literal God. He sold so many copies. Too many copies, in fact, and Michael Guru needed to hire two people to help him keep up with the demand.
They did help him out! Soon enough those people were so overwhelmed with their own demand that they hired me and another friend. Now, you will never guess what has happened to me. I too have been overwhelmed with the increasing demand for this incredibly amazing product! So now I have to look for help!
I must admit, I never thought I would be here, but as a wise man once said, “you never see the past until you look back” or something like that.
Anyways, I am proud to offer you an extremely important position: Senior Junior Junior Northwest Salesmen. All you need to do is pay 500$ to cover the course training, t-shirt, hat, goldfish granules, pencils, toiletries, electric toothbrush, kibble, usb drive, rope, hammer, and bleach. (You can deposit the money into my venmo account @ ex_nigerian_princess_5643)
YOU WILL BE RICH.
In a short span of only 14 days, you will make THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS selling the “The Anti-Pyramid Crash Course 101 - 99% Success Rate” course!
You, my dear friend, hold many titles in my heart: partner, business associate, inferior, and servant. I know that together we will become rich!
Thank you for helping to clean the world of the scum that try to trick people into messing up their lives!
As my many friends in Portugal like to say, Gracias por listening.