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How To Elect A Chair

For the past week, my school has been engulfed in a frenzy of campaigning, election posters, and dorky T-shirts. As a pacifist, altruist, and horrendously busy student, I abstain from school politics in hopes that I have better things to do. Better things like waking up in the middle of the night with the fantasy of electing a wooden chair for next year’s student council co-president. So maybe I dabble in school affairs. Who doesn’t fall for the endearing, approachable emotion in heartwood? Who could expect less than the stability and support of authentic, hand-crafted wood furniture in their future leaders? In the wake of a white-bread teenaged popularity contest, a new four-legged hero finds its place at the table. Move over humanity, and welcome to the age of antique seating.

So I worked tirelessly to deliver this vision and invited a few friends to flood hallways half an hour before any rational person would arrive at school. Ultimately, it created a rumbling that was felt throughout the school, but our candidate Wood N. Chair never made it to the ballot. Subsequently, we fell back on our conventional flesh-faced adolescents to lead yet another year of supervised school dances and underfunded Walmart sporting events.

But Chair's legacy does not end there. Here are all the necessary resources to spark the revolution in your school via printable 8 ½ x 11 half-posters and portable campaign slogans to spread the word. Good luck in your endeavor and may the will of the chair triumph in your hands!


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