How to pretend to be an extrovert (for introverts & non-human beings)

By Seungwoo Lee

Extrovertedness is often (and rightfully so) prized in modern society. Though introverts might

want to spend their time curled up in their home playing with their cat, everyone has to

occasionally go out into the world and socialize with living human beings (right?). Here’s a

simple and easy-to-follow guide for all you introverts out there.

1. High five everyone you know and shout random phrases Whenever you meet someone in the hallway, give them a big old high five. Try to shout random phrases as if you are catcalling, but with no sexual intent (“walk that walk, brother!”).

2. Pretend to follow sports Even if you spent your whole evening doing...well...nothing(?) at least act as if you watched the big game last night. All you need to do is some research to say things like “Curry was on fire!” (by the way, here I am referring to Stephen Curry, the point guard for the Golden State Warriors - NOT the curry we eat (you’re welcome)).

3. When asked what you do for fun, think about the things that you absolutely don’t want to do When asked about your hobby, do not panic and say things like “reading Jane Austen.” Can’t come up with ideas? The trick is to just think about the things that you absolutely do not want to do on a relaxing Saturday morning. Oh, me? I personally like to host karaoke parties and participate in random flash mobs (see what I did there?).

4. Talk to strangers (for absolutely no reason) The next time you’re in line for the self checkout machine (or the new noise canceling headphones), try talking to the person in front of you. Tip: Do not be scared when the person turns around, looks you in the eye, and starts saying perfectly normal words back to you - that’s called "having a conversation."

5. DON’T rehearse your lines before saying a single sentence.

   You can’t just be having an argument and thinking “does ‘dumba**’ sound better than ‘jacka** or can they be used interchangeably?”