by Sahasra Nistala
Instagram: Check out these BEAUTIES from la Boulangerie de Gentrification @bourgeouisbakery at the corner of 10th and 12th in Manhattan! Need some help burning off those donut carbs? Use the code #MarieAnnabeth4eva to get 10% off on Fitness Juice today!
Facebook: The doorman just gave me a box of donuts today…so blessed. At least someone cares about me. Can someone tell me how to “tag” my kids? They moved out in ‘98 and I haven’t seen them since. Be well.
TikTok: [In a robotic voiceover] Let's make gluten-free kale donuts together! [The video that proceeds is so sped up that you can’t make out the ingredients or tell what order you need to put them in. You think you catch almond flour and a few bouillon cubes, but you’re not exactly sure.]
YouTube: What’s up, guys? Today, I’ll be filling up an Olympic-sized swimming pool with fifty MILLION donuts. Don’t forget to watch until the end, like, subscribe, comment, and stay tuned for my next video where I make a controversial apology about food waste.
Reddit: I (22F) love visiting this donut shop in San Fran, but it seems…off. Instead of a menu, they have a bunch of iPhone parts, stacks of cash, and a spreadsheet with a bunch of people’s bank info. Red flags or am I just being hysterical??
Discord: bruhh that donut was cracked, no cap. think we’ll be able to do stunts like this in gta 6 when it comes out in 2025? yeah ik we’ll alr be in 7th grade 💀
Slack: @channel just brought in a box of donuts! Let’s all remember what HR said about acting like responsible adults. Yes, @BethanyM, that means sharing. Let's do it, team!
LinkedIn: With these six easy growth hacks, I was able to take my pop-up donut stand and turn it into a multi-dozen dollar pastry empire. This is a message to all those up-and-coming entrepreneur underdogs out there: don’t give up. All you need to succeed is grit, that undeniable work ethic, and at least one relative who is a venture capitalist.
Medium: Put simply, donuts reflect all that is wrong with today’s society: rampant consumerism. The abus de pouvoir practiced by the one percent. Our failing education system. The male loneliness epidemic. If you really stop to think about it, a donut is nothing more than a circle, a symbol of the relentless corporate cycle, a structure so prevalent in our society—yet, we choose not to address the gaping hole in the middle. No more needs to be said. Our degeneration as a species is complete.
Substack: Put simply, donuts reflect all that is wrong with today’s society: rampant consumerism. The abus de pouvoir practiced by the one percent. Our failing education system. The male loneliness epidemic. If you really stop to think about it, a donut is nothing more than a circle, a symbol of the relentless corporate cycle, a structure so prevalent in our society—yet, we choose not to address the gaping hole in the middle. No more needs to be said. Our degeneration as a species is complete. Thanks for reading! Please consider liking, buying me a coffee, and paying for a subscription so you can read my entire collection of pastry philosophy.
BeReal: [A random picture of your friend’s friend eating a donut that inexplicably makes you jealous]