By Noah Stern:
Last Wednesday, Gal Gadot posted a video compilation starring many well-known celebrities singing John Lennon’s solo hit, “Imagine” while in self-quarantine due to the coronavirus.
According to reports from the New York City Department of Parks and Recreation, in a 5-day resurrection process, John Lennon has come back to life in the middle of Central Park. Milking Cat Resurrection expert Gary Busey believes that the reanimation took so long because Lennon’s ashes were scattered around the park. Busey contends that a typical grave-rising can occur in as little as 2 days.
It appears that Lennon came back to life for the sole reason of critiquing Gadot’s cover of his song. Field reporters claim that once a sizeable crowd of onlookers and News Station camera crews was assembled, Lennon produced a scroll of paper from his jacket pocket. He explained to the crowd that he had written down “a few notes about this disaster of a video.”
Among the celebrities that most impressed Lennon was actor James Marsden, whom Lennon referred to as “the guy from the Sonic movie.” Lennon was also quick to add that he would not be praising any of the “actual singers,” because “that’s their job.”
In fact, Lennon went on to berate American singer Sia for her “over-the-top” and “unnecessary” vocal performance. Then, in quick succession, Lennon listed off the celebrities who he deemed to be the worst:
“Sarah Silverman was annoying as [expletive]”
“Natalie Portman didn’t even sing really”
“Amy Adams was off-key”
Then, “The drummer from the Red Hot Chili Peppers was terrible.”
To which a reporter replied, “That was Will Ferrell.”
Lennon was then quoted as saying “Oh, then never mind, I loved Anchorman.” He then continued with, “Mark Ruffalo was bad,” and, “I don’t even know who those three girls were but they annoyed me.”
After Lennon was seemingly finished with his rant, he quickly dissolved back into ashes, much to the dismay of the reporters who were hoping to ask questions about his confusing level of pop culture knowledge.