By Benji Elkins:
The needle rises as I press hard on the pedal
Two green lights, the third turning yellow
I press down harder and faster, my forehead grows damp
I clench my abdomen, beginning to cramp
I breath heavily, my pains I attempt to quell
Yet I can’t help it, my wife says it’s beginning to smell
The windows roll down, my seatbelt unbuckled,
I was clenching before, but now the effort has doubled.
I flash my blinkers and turn to my street,
Salvation! Salvation! How glorious to meet!
The gear switched to park, I make for the door
Hoping to make my suffering no more.
I’m feet away, inches just yet
But the bowl just seems to be farther away the closer I get
But I smile and laugh, as I know liberation is here.
But then, it’s too late, I feel a wet lump in my rear.
I look to my wife, she gives me a frown
And I give a sorrowful pout while my pants are still down
And still we both know that the next time’s not too far
When I speed and cry and shit my pants in my car.