Living Like a Self-Help YouTuber

By Seungwoo Lee

Hi. This is another day living like a self-help youtuber, and you know what that means - I’m

awake at 5AM. What? Didn’t I just get off my computer after playing Call of Duty for 9 hours?

The important thing is - I am awake at 5AM and you’re not, so get your life together, man.

5:00 - 5:10: Meditation

I personally like to start my day with 10 minutes of pure meditation. But, as a self help YouTuber who values productivity, I take meditation to another level. Instead of holding my breath for 4 seconds, which is what ‘normal’ people do, I hold my breath for as long as possible. Whenever I feel like my lungs are exploding, I just remind myself that every extra second makes me better than the stupid muggles who listen to trained doctors and prestigious health institutions (what made them think that that’s a good idea?)

Sometimes, I even get this really surreal feeling as though I just passed out and woke up again. You know what they say - the effects of meditation know no bounds! Oh wait, is it 5:10 AM or PM?

5:10 - 6:00: Reading

Over the years I realized that, as long as our eyes open, we are technically always reading! For me, reading ‘books’ is ironically the WORST form of reading, for it is one of the rare things that makes my eyes closed. Although I like to read a wide range of things, some of my favorites are Clash Royale, Brawl Stars, and Roblox (or if I’m really in the mood for a classic - Minecraft).

Oh great, a message just popped up: “Excessive... game... problems... life... please... remember ... break.” Eh, I don’t know - I tend to skip over the unimportant stuff (check out my online course on speed reading if you want to learn more about

this!)

6:00 - 6:30: Breakfast

Like any other self help youtuber knows, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. That’s why I mix my breakfast cereal, my lunch cereal, my afternoon snack cereal, my dinner cereal and my after-10PM-snack-while-having-a-midlife-crisis cereal all together to create my super duper meal! (visit my website to get access to my overly expensive video tutorial.)

Moreover, to heed the age-old saying “eat breakfast like a king,” I also wear my $300 crown that I bought on ebay and ask Siri to call me ‘your majesty’. Oh yeah, and mom - think twice before saying that something is useless (who’s the dumb one now?)

6:30 - 7:00: Morning Workout Routine

I always like to end my morning routine with at least 30 minutes of hard-core exercise. Now,

since I am a professional (unlike you AMATEURs), I don’t just mindlessly go out on a run. I

prepare my Apple watch, SAMSUNG Galaxy watch, knee sleeves, elbow sleeves,

water-repellent jacket (in case it rains), fire-retardant jacket (in case there is a fire), bear

repellent (in case I meet a bear), camera (in case I meet a bear), perfume (in case I meet an

attractive woman), pictures of my non-existent dog (in case I somehow manage to start a

conversation with an attractive woman), and water.

Once I’m ready, I always stand in front of my door and think deeply about whether I want to go out. Most of the time - the answer is no! That’s why I brazenly go back into my house, take off all my equipment, and hop in the shower, all while massaging every little part of my body to avoid cramps (occasionally, I get a weird feeling on my right pinkie, which - I believe - stems from over exercising).

Usually, this process takes around 30 minutes, which gives me the rights to tell my coworkers to “get off the computer and get moving.”