By Benji Elkins:
ATLANTA, GA - Last night at a quaint dinner party, local man Freddie Marsoon was horrified when he realized the only drink that would be served was Seltzer Water. “At first I thought they were going to bring out a pitcher of water or bottle of coke or something after a few minutes.” Marsoon reported, “But when we were already in the middle of our entrée and the only thing on the table were three bottles of lime flavored seltzer, I knew I was in trouble.” Marsoon’s fear was only accentuated when he asked the host if they “had anything else to drink” was greeted by being shown a pantry full of just different flavored tonic waters. “In the end I spent the whole night without a drop of water, soda, or any other beverage to refresh and water my throat. In retrospect, I could have died.” While Marsoon recovers from his night out, the ethics of whether it is truly acceptable to serve seltzer water at any occasion is still being debated by philosophers and prophets alike.