By Nataly Delcid
For all us trimester folks out there, it’s midterm season. This means we’re ramping up for 1 a.m. panic attacks and days full of procrastination by overusing the bathroom. For all of you not-trimester folks, well you’ll probably be going through our pain in a couple weeks so just keep this article in your back pocket for now. Don’t fret young scholars, I’ve been chewed, ejected, and damned by the College Board and I have some coping mechanisms.
Here are some ways I destress when I feel the feminine urge to cut school and go to New York like Rory Gilmore did in like season 3 of Gilmore Girls when she liked Jess.
Create a situation for yourself where you desperately crave fruit and walk to the grocery store to get some. Personally, plums to the job for me. My friends say bananas work on occasion.
Purposely wear a really tight bra for 3-4 hours, and then take it off.
Drink chocolate milk, but only if you’re lactose intolerant. If you’re not lactose intolerant, drink something that will make you mildly ill so you have something else to be concerned about rather than your actual fucking problems. Plus choccy milk mmmm yum yum ooga
Sit down with your parents and talk about something incredibly controversial to get the pot stirring at brunch. Some of my go-tos are the Kardashians, QAnon, and Agnosticism.
Accidentally fall in love with someone you’re not attracted to and ruin your friendships. I’ve done this one a few times and my grades always increase exponentially. In fact, I purposely pick up mildly attractive male friends and fall for them to keep that GPA looking sexy.