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My Plan for Studying for APs with Debilitating Senioritis

By Anka Chiorini

  1. Apply to college early decision

  2. Get into dream college in December

  3. Check out completely

  4. Wake up in March

  5. See a copy of Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man on my bedroom floor and remember that I am taking AP Lit

  6. Take a virtual tour of the college I will be attending

  7. Trip over a gigantic textbook and remember I am taking AP Euro

  8. Wonder why I decided to take AP Euro, which is technically an elective, so, like, what the heck was I thinking with that one

  9. Remember that I want to go to school for history

  10. Look at the European history courses at my future college and get really excited about European history

  11. Take a nap

  12. Get an email from the College Board about my upcoming AP Exams

  13. Say mean things about the College Board

  14. Have an AP exam tomorrow

  15. Fuck, I have an AP exam tomorrow

  16. Shit, I didn’t study

  17. Holyshitholyshitholyshit

  18. Try to remember who represented Austria at the Congress of Vienna

  19. Try to remember what the Congress of Vienna was

  20. Remember that my test tomorrow is actually AP Lit and I have another week to figure out what the fuck happened at the Congress of Vienna

  21. Speed read an entire year’s worth of AP Lit books

  22. Curse Ralph Ellison for making Invisible Man so damn long

  23. Give up and read SparkNotes for Invisible Man

  24. Damn, Invisible Man has a weird ending

  25. Fall asleep and dream of Invisible Man

  26. Bullshit my way through an AP Lit exam

  27. Forget about my AP Euro exam for a while

  28. Create a college email

  29. Admire my college email

  30. Fill out college paperwork

  31. Oh shit, Euro is tomorrow

  32. Metternich represented Austria at the Congress of Vienna, which was held after the French Revolution to figure out what the heck to do about France

  33. Binge Heimler’s History videos

  34. Fall asleep and dream of the motherfucking Congress of Vienna

  35. Take an AP Euro exam

  36. Finish high school

  37. Never check my AP scores

  38. Go to college

  39. Have the best time of my life

  40. Peak

  41. Finish college

  42. Get a stable job

  43. Get married

  44. Start a family

  45. Take my kids on college tours

  46. Help my kids study for their AP exams

  47. Get frustrated that they aren’t putting in enough effort

  48. Develop a terminal illness

  49. Remember I took two AP exams in twelfth grade

  50. Die not knowing if I passed AP English Literature and Composition and AP European History


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