By Sophie Cohen:
NYE Kiss
New Year's Eve,
It’s more than setting resolutions,
and watching the famously underwhelming ball drop,
It’s more than starting to feel guilty that your christmas tree is still up
Or your hanukkah candles are still burning,
It’s more than wishing the sparkling cider in your glass
Was champagne, or wishing the champagne in your glass
Was more expensive.
All of those New Years Eve trade marks
Are flakes of snow in a tundra
Compared to the grace and incomparable beauty
Of a messy, drunk, celebrity New Year’s Eve
Kiss.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
MACHINE GUN KELLY AND MEGAN FOX
Babe, Machine Gun Kelly,
My dark cobweb bunny,
My magical star baby,
Magic, lint, slam poetry
Nietzche’s underarms,
Gollum’s Placenta,
Cronkite’s five o’clock shadow,
I don’t care about any of it,
Right now it’s just you, me…
guns, lust, tears, heartbreak,
power, and greed,
Oh and that stupid, insignificent,
meaningless ball drop.
Oh god, how I hate material things.
-
Megan, my everything, my ice queen,
my golden oolong goddess,
my paternal thrust of universal entropy,
you are darkness, you are light,
you are everything and also nothing.
-
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing can keep us apart.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
IZABAL GOULART AND KEVIN TRAPP
Babe, the fruit here is so sweet,
my arteries are totally clogged.
Can you tell?
-
I noticed.
-
He noticed! He noticed me. He loves me so much.
Babe I want to travel the world together.
Can we go to all of the richest parts of the
poorest countries on earth?
-
Anything for you.
-
Anything for me. Anything for me. He loves me so much.
Babe, I have a proposition?
Can we start doing It six times per week?
-
Doing what six times per week?
-
Nevermind. Does he not count how
many times we do It per week?
Maybe he doesn’t love me…
Babe, can we kiss?
I can’t stand his German accent and the only time it stops
is when we’re kissing.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
PETE DAVIDSON AND MILEY CYRUS
Pete, I’m so happy to have gotten the chance to
Host “Miley’s New Years Eve Party Hosted by Miley Cyrus and Pete Davidson” with you,
-
I suppose this is as good a time as any for us to…
Ya know…
-
Pete, what about Kim?
She’ll kill me.
-
It’s fine
she’s starting to get on my nerves,
she was all like:
“Pete, you’re so thin.
You’re getting so thin, seriously.
If you don’t eat something, you’ll have to
Get some work done.
Pete, did you take your meds?
Take your meds, seriously.
Kanye didn’t take his meds but
you’re different.
Pete, I can fix you.
I can fix you, seriously.
You’re so broken, so fragile,
And I can change that.”
And finally I was like
“Kim, do you have a savior complex or some shit?”
Plus, Miley, me and you look so much alike it’d almost be like kissing my sister
-
Pete, that's really wrong.
-
But it wouldn’t be cheating.
-
That’s
Like,
Really
Messed
Up.
-
Oh.
Yeah.
-
F%$# it!!!
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
ZOOEY DESCHANEL AND JONATHAN SCOTT
Jonathan,
Look how big my eyes are
-
Zooey,
You’re drunk
-
Jonathan,
Isn’t it poetic,
The way my bangs crawl
Across my face
-
Zooey,
You’re drunk
-
Jonathan,
Do you think if my eyes
Were any bigger
They would pop out of
My head?
-
I don’t know, Zo
But I would love you
Just
The
Same
-
Jonathan,
You’re drunk too
-
I know.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
The ball drops
And they kiss
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
On New Years,
Regardless of race, class, creed, sex,
Political views, or relationship status
Everyone is united by one thing:
Their lips.