NYE Kiss

By Sophie Cohen:


NYE Kiss

New Year's Eve,

It’s more than setting resolutions,

and watching the famously underwhelming ball drop,

It’s more than starting to feel guilty that your christmas tree is still up

Or your hanukkah candles are still burning,

It’s more than wishing the sparkling cider in your glass

Was champagne, or wishing the champagne in your glass

Was more expensive.

All of those New Years Eve trade marks

Are flakes of snow in a tundra

Compared to the grace and incomparable beauty

Of a messy, drunk, celebrity New Year’s Eve

Kiss.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

MACHINE GUN KELLY AND MEGAN FOX

Babe, Machine Gun Kelly,

My dark cobweb bunny,

My magical star baby,

Magic, lint, slam poetry

Nietzche’s underarms,

Gollum’s Placenta,

Cronkite’s five o’clock shadow,

I don’t care about any of it,

Right now it’s just you, me…

guns, lust, tears, heartbreak,

power, and greed,

Oh and that stupid, insignificent,

meaningless ball drop.

Oh god, how I hate material things.

-

Megan, my everything, my ice queen,

my golden oolong goddess,

my paternal thrust of universal entropy,

you are darkness, you are light,

you are everything and also nothing.

-

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing can keep us apart.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

IZABAL GOULART AND KEVIN TRAPP

Babe, the fruit here is so sweet,

my arteries are totally clogged.

Can you tell?

-

I noticed.

-

He noticed! He noticed me. He loves me so much.


Babe I want to travel the world together.

Can we go to all of the richest parts of the

poorest countries on earth?

-

Anything for you.

-

Anything for me. Anything for me. He loves me so much.


Babe, I have a proposition?

Can we start doing It six times per week?

-

Doing what six times per week?

-

Nevermind. Does he not count how

many times we do It per week?

Maybe he doesn’t love me…


Babe, can we kiss?

I can’t stand his German accent and the only time it stops

is when we’re kissing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

PETE DAVIDSON AND MILEY CYRUS

Pete, I’m so happy to have gotten the chance to

Host “Miley’s New Years Eve Party Hosted by Miley Cyrus and Pete Davidson” with you,

-

I suppose this is as good a time as any for us to…

Ya know…

-

Pete, what about Kim?

She’ll kill me.

-

It’s fine

she’s starting to get on my nerves,

she was all like:


“Pete, you’re so thin.

You’re getting so thin, seriously.

If you don’t eat something, you’ll have to

Get some work done.


Pete, did you take your meds?

Take your meds, seriously.

Kanye didn’t take his meds but

you’re different.


Pete, I can fix you.

I can fix you, seriously.

You’re so broken, so fragile,

And I can change that.”


And finally I was like

“Kim, do you have a savior complex or some shit?”

Plus, Miley, me and you look so much alike it’d almost be like kissing my sister

-

Pete, that's really wrong.

-

But it wouldn’t be cheating.

-

That’s

Like,

Really

Messed

Up.

-

Oh.

Yeah.

-

F%$# it!!!

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —


ZOOEY DESCHANEL AND JONATHAN SCOTT

Jonathan,

Look how big my eyes are

-

Zooey,

You’re drunk

-

Jonathan,

Isn’t it poetic,

The way my bangs crawl

Across my face

-

Zooey,

You’re drunk

-

Jonathan,

Do you think if my eyes

Were any bigger

They would pop out of

My head?

-

I don’t know, Zo

But I would love you

Just

The

Same

-

Jonathan,

You’re drunk too

-

I know.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The ball drops

And they kiss

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

On New Years,

Regardless of race, class, creed, sex,

Political views, or relationship status

Everyone is united by one thing:

Their lips.