By Benji Elkins:
Spat out only a few days ago by tank-top wearing and gum chewing teenage delinquent James McRey, a piece of Trident cherry and lime gum is currently sitting in the middle of the local Walmart parking lot just waiting to be stepped on. Speculators have commented that the piece of gum must feel good knowing that it, unlike wads of gum spat out on the highway or in a park, has a real chance of being lodged under someone’s shoe. The parking lot’s lack of long sticks, twigs, and other devices used to commonly deroot gum from the soles of shoes has made it a prime location for the piece of Trident.
BREAKING UPDATE: James McRey has returned to the Walmart lot and stepped on the gum himself, prompting a local doomsday cult to declare the end of days citing that everything has “come full circle now and there’s no going back.” When pressed for comment, the teen delinquent merely said “those guys are nutso” and proceeded to pop another piece of gum into his mouth and then spit directly at Brad, our ground reporter.
Photo courtesy of Leicestershire Live